Downsizing in your 40s isn’t just about space—it’s about mindset. Here’s how I’ve decluttered, donated, and rethought everything I own at 43.
I Thought I Had Already Decluttered
I’ve been writing about decluttering, simplifying, and minimalism for years. I really thought I fit the description until I moved out of the house I thought I’d live in forever and into a townhouse half the size last fall. I wasn’t as minimal as I thought—I’d just had more space to hide it all. As we have since sold the house and moved things out of closets and drawers, the amount of things I kept “because I could” was mind blowing!
In my larger home, there was always another drawer, another closet, another out-of-sight corner where things could live, many of them serving as decor. But moving into a smaller townhouse at 43 has been a completely different experience. I don’t have a lot of shelves to display things or a basement or storage room to house the extras. With fewer places to “tuck things away,” suddenly I’m face-to-face with everything I own. So I’ve taken a hard look at everything from my old yearbooks to holiday decor and really (really) pared back this time.
I’m not just casually decluttering—I’m evaluating every single item. What actually earns its place here? What do I truly use, love, or need? The shift has been especially noticeable with decor and sentimental items along with tools and “just in case” things. The only department where I still have tons of room to grow is my clothes closet (because I have two!).
Goodbye Things
Recently I listened to an episode of the Choose FI podcast about decluttering: Goodbye, Things with Liz Gets Loaded (Ep. 593), which dives into the ideas from the book Goodbye, Things: The New Japanese Minimalism by Fumio Sasaki.
One of the biggest takeaways for me was this idea: it’s not about how much space you have – it’s about what you’re choosing to keep. And if you have more space, it’s incredibly easy to keep more without even realizing it. This goes for extra paper towels and extra memorabilia.
In my previous home, I had the luxury of space. Extra closets, extra cabinets, extra everything. So even though I thought I had decluttered, I had also quietly expanded to fill that space. Things weren’t necessarily meaningful or useful – they were just… accommodated. Now, in my smaller house, that buffer is gone.
There’s no “just put it here for now.” No forgotten storage bins. No extra shelves waiting to be filled. Every item has to justify itself in a much more visible, tangible way.
A good example: hand-me-down clothes
I have kept most of Mazen’s clothes for Birch to inherit. Since they are six years apart, there is six years worth of clothing being stored. I brought a chunk of these clothes to my new house and immediately sorted from 3 bins down to 1, removing anything I did not absolutely love. I kept a lot of Mazen’s clothes “just in case” (like baseball gear, for example) and I’m of the mindset now that if Birch wants to play baseball, we’ll go to a hand-me-down store at that time and get some gear!
Here are a few of the lessons I’ve gleaned from both the podcast and the last six months of sorting through stuff:
How I’m Deciding What to Keep and What to Donate
I’ve been filling boxes to donate every month as I’ve slowly moved. While no one wants to be wasteful, I think the number one point I always keep in the back of my mind is “I can always go buy another one.” Which brings me to point #1.
Store it at the Store
“Store it at the store” was a concept from the Choose FI podcast that I LOVED hearing. When you have a lot of space, it’s easy to buy things like paper towels, extra beauty products, food for the pantry, etc. and keep in in your house.
But “store it at the store” means let the store house it and just go get it when you need it. They brought up how the store takes really good care of the things you have yet to buy. They’re climate controlled and following a First-In-First-Out expiration method.
While I still have more than one roll of paper towels and toilet paper stored in my house, I’ve had “store it at the store” in the back of my mind for a few weeks now. Great reminder!
A once-a-decade look isn’t worth keeping
While I don’t consider myself to be much of an emotional hoarder when it comes to bigger things, I do have a pretty extensive memorabilia trunk that has everything from my old yearbooks to all the notes I passed with friends and boyfriends in high school. I have college papers (not all of them, just my best) and report cards from high school and college. I even have my braces and some of my baby teeth!
I went through my memorabilia trunk recently and sorted through everything. I kept a lot of it, but I also thinned it out. There were some things (like a card with no note and just a signature in it) that weren’t worth saving. I also decided I didn’t need all 4 years of high school yearbooks, so I just kept my senior year.
Is this worth the space?
One of the big decision makers I’ve been using for all the things in my house is how much space is it taking up. Smaller things get a more generous offer to stay over larger ones.
Loose photos take up so much less space than a large album. And you can flip through photos in your hands as easily as an album (in my opinion! I know there are the album-loving folks!). The tickets I kept from the 1996 Olympics take up so much less space than my fat yearbooks.
I’ve been using this same decider when it comes to kitchen storage, furniture, and more. If it’s big AND underused, it’s gone.
Just borrow it!
Another philosophy I’ve been using is “just borrow it!” My friend-neighbor Jonathon has everything from a leaf blower to a really great drill. And my next door neighbor is the same – he has said I’m welcome to borrow any tools at any time. I am so appreciative of their willingness to share if needed, and it means I don’t have to go buy the 1,000 things most homeowners have in their garages. (Plus, as a renter, I only have to repair so much). We should be using communal tools anyways! Every house does not need its own leaf blower and drill, right?
Buy it again
This is something I’ve used as a decluttering tool over and over. There are so many things that fall into the “but what if I need it someday?” category. If it’s tiny, tuck it away. But if it’s medium-to-large DONATE.
If you need it, first try borrowing one. Then try finding one used or in a freecycle group. If you strike out, then go to the store (where it has been stored for you!) and buy it. This can apply for the formal evening gown you save for that every-five-years event or tools or even a kitchen appliance!
Why Downsizing in Your 40s Feels Different
At this point in my life, I feel like I’ve lived 3 lifetimes of memories. Growing up –> adulthood –> parenting. I’ve accumulated more, inherited more, needed more over time. It’s just the nature of being older. Things have more memories attached to them. And there are parts of ourselves we don’t want to say goodbye to.
But I think many of us someday reach a point where we hit the top of the bell curve and start to crave downsizing. Most often a move or life change triggers this. The hardest things to part with are those that are sentimental or things that are “someday” items. We all have an easier time knowing what the essentials are and which items we’ve just outgrown.
As much as I want to keep everything that has ever meant something to me, I think what ultimately matters most is that the memories inside my head can never be erased <3
