Welcome to week three of our monthlong summer challenge! If you’ve been with us so far, you’ve been taking device-free walks for 20 minutes daily (keep at it!), and you’ve put your phone away 30 minutes before bed.
This week, we’re hosting a get-together — and phones aren’t invited.
It may be 2026, but ’90s nostalgia is strong. Interest kicked off with “Love Story,” the TV series about the relationship between John F. Kennedy Jr. and Carolyn Bessette, and hasn’t stopped. This summer, TLC is touring with Salt-N-Pepa and En Vogue. “Practical Magic 2” hits theaters in the fall. Tae Bo is back.
But it’s not just the fashion or the music that fuels this longing: The ’90s were the last era before smartphones were everywhere.
There was little texting, no selfies, no posting on social media, no GPS at your fingertips and no phubbing (i.e., snubbing someone for your phone). We weren’t leaving our phones on the table at lunch, “just in case.”
Now our phones are with us at all times, and that comes with downsides. In a 2020 study of cellphone use and social gatherings, researchers found that one reason people looked at their phones was to “avoid conversations with others.” And there’s even research to suggest that phones actually make our quality time with others less enjoyable by making us feel more distracted and less connected.
We can create a “full archaeological record” of our time with friends, said Pamela Pavliscak, author of the new book “All the Feels: How to Stay Human in the Digital World.” On any given night, she explained, we have “the group selfie, the ‘thanks for dinner’ Venmo note, followed by the blurry Story someone posts the next morning.”
“But the irony is that the more we document the experience, the easier it becomes to drift away” while it’s happening, she said.
So your challenge this week is to make plans with someone you want to see — and propose a ’90s-style hangout without your phones.
Before the hangout
Get in touch with someone who you want to catch up with and invite them to your hangout. You both should agree on one ground rule: Leave your phones at home. If you must bring them, keep them turned off.
Then simply decide where you’re going to meet and when. Confirm the day before, and then resist the urge to keep updating in real time.
Make sure to check your directions before you go — write them down if you need to — because you won’t be able to rely on Google Maps.
You should commit to being on time, too, because you won’t have the ability to text “on my way” or “running late.”
During the hangout
Enjoy a real, face-to-face connection with someone you care about. Try to bring your full attention to what your friend is saying. Revel in a get-together that isn’t interrupted by pinging and buzzing. Allow your conversation to meander.
There may be a momentary lull during your tech-free hangout, and that’s OK, Pavliscak said.
You are likely used to filling the silence by “picking up your phone, and disappearing into separate feeds,” Pavliscak said. Instead, trust that the conversation will pick up again and don’t force it, she said.
I recently did my first phone-free hangout in about 25 years. My friend and I met in a coffee shop and chatted about nothing, “Seinfeld”-style. Among the many insignificant topics we covered: What’s your perfect sandwich? Solutions for horrendous pet breath? What’s the best way to load a dishwasher? (We agreed that it was back to front.)
Then we decided to keep our hangout going and rambled around my town for hours, like the characters in “Before Sunrise.” We walked down Main Street and ducked in and out of shops — a book store, a pet shop, an ice-cream parlor. Sometimes we got deep. (“How long would you like to live if you were in good health?”) Sometimes we just goofed around, trying to make each other laugh with exaggerated imitations of our mothers.
Afterward, we agreed that it was the best time we’d spent together in ages. We paid more attention to each other and to our surroundings. At one point we hung out on a park bench — normally a time we’d pull out our phones. Instead, we sat in comfortable silence and people watched.
Our get-together felt more carefree without the constant, and often stressful, reminders of the outside world.
And all we did was change one thing.
It’s almost summer. Put your phone down. Go outside.
To kick off Well’s summer challenge, we’re asking you to make a simple commitment that can improve your health.
For the next month, you’ll carve out 20 minutes daily to step away from your screen and head outdoors.
I’m in!
You’ve joined readers to pledge a total of
0
minutes of screen-free time. Congratulations!
