“I’m dissociating” is a phrase that’s everywhere right now, from the mouths of influencers on social media to friends sharing their weekend plans after a stressful week at work. People use the phrase to describe the act of taking an intentional brain break from a stressor, whether that’s work, a family issue or the news.
While it’s used casually to describe a very real reaction to an exhausting world, it’s also a protective mechanism that generations of people have used, way before the advent of social media and the 24-hour news cycle.
“Dissociation is … a way of protecting oneself that most organisms can do when they’re in a state of acute threat,” said Kayla Ritchie, a licensed mental health counselor at Self Space in Washington state.
“And that’s done by engaging a part of the nervous system that allows you to freeze. It’s more or less akin to the freeze response that you hear about in the fight, flight or freeze responses to threat,” Ritchie added.
While folks on social media and in day-to-day life often use the phrase “I’m dissociating” as a throw-your-hands-up-in-the-air-and-give-up type of behavior, it’s not actually a bad thing to do.
“It’s a protective measure that evolves to make it so that the impact of something threatening, bad, scary, dangerous, isn’t going to overwhelm [you],” Ritchie explained.
This common behavior is actually a natural coping mechanism.
In other words, dissociation protects you from the alternative, which is having no barrier or buffer zone against the “threatening, bad, scary, dangerous” thing, said Richie. If you don’t dissociate, constantly thinking about a work stressor or problem in your life is only going to drain you mentally and, potentially, keep you from doing the things you need to do.
Dissociation exists on a spectrum, though, so while it can be a protective mechanism, it can also be problematic at the more severe end.
“Everybody dissociates. That is a common psychological function to check out, and so dissociating … this is our daydreaming, our spacing out,” said Jamila Holcomb, a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Holcomb Counseling and Consulting. This is the mild end of the spectrum, added Holcomb.
“It’s our mind’s own way to kind of help us get through either kind of a mundane moment or an unbearable moment,” Holcomb added. It could happen on a long drive or amid stressful news that’s affecting your community.
On the other side of the dissociation spectrum, though, folks may feel detached from experiences or in a foggy state of mind, said Holcomb. The extreme end of the spectrum is something known as “dissociative disorder,” which can be marked by depersonalization and feeling like you’re detached from reality, she said.
This requires medical intervention from a counselor or mental health provider.
“I don’t think that’s necessarily where everybody’s at right now,” Holcomb noted. Instead, folks looking to dissociate from the state of the world are likely on the mild end of the spectrum and are occasionally distracting themselves from stressors by zoning out in front of the television or scrolling social media.
Therapists told HuffPost it’s perfectly normal and natural to want to dissociate for many reasons. Here’s what to know:
The world is a stressful place right now, and dissociation is necessary for our protection.
The current climate — politically, financially and socially — is overwhelming and stressful. These issues exist on top of everyday stressors like the demands of family and friends and day-to-day tasks.
This would all equal “nervous system overload, and so our bodies are going to numb,” said Holcomb. “We’re so on edge that as a survival strategy, you dissociate,” Holcomb added.
While the more extreme side of dissociation can be a clinical problem, the mild side is only a natural response to the world.
“We need to do a better job of just acknowledging that it’s a really hard time for a lot of people,” said Sandra Yankah Addo, a psychologist at The Black Girl Doctor.
Between economic uncertainty, layoffs and everyday stressors such as micro-aggressions for marginalized groups, “those are all things that chip away at someone’s bandwidth, at their capacity to feel and experience their range of emotions,” added Yankah Addo.
Dissociation allows folks not to feel their emotions and to lean into distraction instead.
In this world, it may be hard for folks to express emotions in a meaningful way, which can lead to even more feelings of disconnection and detachment, Yankah Addo said.
“I think also there are more threats,” Ritchie said. “We are in a very threat-dense environment right now.”
No matter where you look, there are news alerts about plummeting vaccine rates and coverage of threats and wars overseas. Just the way we interact with the internet and social media feels threatening.
“I think especially with the way that people consume social media, [our threat-dense environment] is very much exacerbated because of the nature of how algorithms work and seem to play on people’s fears a lot,” Ritchie added.
Meaning not only are there actually more threats in our world, but the way folks interact with the threats on social media exacerbates them and makes people even more afraid.
“It’s a natural response for their nervous system to sort of disconnect — and, yeah, people tend to choose to distract in ways that facilitate more dissociation,” Ritchie noted.
It’s OK to distract yourself from the state of the world, but you should do so with parameters.
Once again, distraction from stressful situations is necessary and a way to preserve yourself, but if it starts feeling more like the extreme side of things (such as a disconnection from reality), you should seek professional help.
But, on the mild side of things, there are still helpful and not-so-helpful ways to dissociate or distract.
“Distraction is not wrong. It just can’t be the only thing you’re doing, because eventually it stops working and it sort of disconnects you from other parts of your life that are keeping you well,” said Ritchie.
When you do engage in distracting and dissociating behaviors, have a plan to do something more rewarding after, Ritchie said. This way, you can snap yourself out of the dissociation.
For instance, you can unwind by watching Netflix, but set a limit for one hour and then follow it up with a phone call to a friend or some time washing dishes, Ritchie suggested.
Doing something with someone else (such as taking a walk together or talking on the phone) can be a good way to break the dissociation, Ritchie said. Or, if you don’t thrive in social situations, “bring yourself more into your body” by taking a bath, shower, or knitting, noted Ritchie.
“Distraction is not wrong. It just can’t be the only thing you’re doing, because eventually it stops working and it sort of disconnects you from other parts of your life that are keeping you well.”
– Kayla Ritchie, licensed mental health counselor
Also, give yourself permission to take a step back from whatever is causing you stress, whether that is the news or your job, said Yankah Addo.
“At least giving yourself a break if you’re feeling overwhelmed, if you’re starting to feel like it’s weighing on your mental health,” Yankah Addo said.
Instead of scrolling through stressful updates online, go for a walk, she said. Or take a week-long break from consuming the news if you notice it’s weighing on you, Yankah Addo said.
“Because some of these challenges are things that will always be there, but if you engage with them really consistently and in a steady way, without necessarily giving yourself that break or [without] involving yourself in activities that make you feel like you have some sort of agency to change them, then it’s something that has a very high likelihood of creating some of those feelings of feeling disenfranchised or disassociating and similar things,” Yankah Addo said.
Whatever breaks make you feel empowered — whether that’s an hour of Netflix, a walk, or a phone call with a friend — is key.
“I think that’s something that can always help to combat some of those feelings that can come from engaging with the very real stressors that are happening right now,” said Yankah Addo.
Without giving yourself breaks, you won’t have the capacity or ability to make change, she said.
So, while dissociating may not feel “productive” in the moment, it’s actually one of the most productive and protective things you can do.
