There’s also a practical economic reality to consider. In the US, the housing crisis and cost-of-living increases have put singles, in particular, at a distinct disadvantage, according to Horn. While married couples at least have access to certain legal and financial structures—tax benefits, dual income, social security protections—unmarried people have to get creative to achieve the same stability. As a result, “economic pressures are pushing more people toward co-housing or sharing finances with friends,” Horn says, though these arrangements aren’t just rooted in convenience: They also represent a growing recognition that perhaps major life decisions—who to buy a home with, rely on in emergencies, or plan families with—doesn’t need to be reserved for a spouse simply because tradition says so.
At the same time, broader cultural shifts are reimagining what happiness, fulfillment, and success can look like for women, Corinne Low, PhD, associate professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania who researches the economics of gender and author of Having It All, tells SELF. Thanks to deeply rooted patriarchal norms, heterosexual marriage was long positioned as the primary (sometimes, only) path to financial security, social legitimacy, and family formation, which is no longer the case. Now, women can own property without a husband. They can build careers and be the primary breadwinner (in fact, the number of women who earn as much or more than their husbands has tripled over the past 50 years, according to Pew Research Center). They can decide independently what “family” looks like, which has transformed marriage from a necessity to a choice—one that, for many, may be losing its appeal.
“The key for marriages to work well is reciprocity,” Dr. Low says. “And what a lot of women see in relationships is that they feel it’s not reciprocal.” Even those who work part- or full-time still end up shouldering the brunt of the practical labor (cooking, cleaning, caretaking, scheduling) and emotional labor (initiating hard conversations, offering support, anticipating needs, absorbing stress). “So if you put these things into perspective, it’s clear why for some women, marriages seem like they’re declining in value,” she says. In its place, friendships are providing what traditional romance often promises but doesn’t always deliver: True reciprocity, without the historical baggage or unspoken expectations.
