When a friend shares a personal story, it’s natural to reciprocate with a relatable anecdote from your own life. It shows empathy, builds connection and keeps the conversation flowing.
That said, if you fall into the more extreme end of jumping in with a “me too” perspective, it could be a sign of adult ADHD, according to experts.
Everyone makes mistakes in social situations. Maybe you’ve cut in and started talking about yourself without acknowledging what others were saying. The occasional slip-up is usually harmless, but if it happens frequently and interferes with your life, you might want to take a closer look to find out if it’s ADHD, anxiety or something else.
“These are symptoms we all experience, but to me, it isn’t the symptoms that people should look at as much as it should be the functioning that is impacted,” said Kevin Antshel, a professor of psychology and director of the ALTER Lab and ADHD Clinic at Syracuse University in New York.
Antshel offered examples of having difficulty keeping friends or succeeding in the workplace because of the tendency to interrupt others with personal ideas.
ADHD contributes to these moments because the disorder affects executive functioning, which is the brain’s “management system” that keeps actions, thoughts and feelings under control. For people with ADHD, this system doesn’t always work efficiently, making it harder to regulate emotions, control impulses, organize thoughts, remember details and stay within social boundaries. All of these skills are needed for healthy conversations.
To get a clearer picture, we asked therapists to break down the ADHD symptoms that can lead to the urge to interrupt with a relatable story of your own — and how to share without taking over:
People with ADHD sometimes struggle with strong feelings and impulsivity.
In everyday conversations, neurotypical adults usually wait for natural pauses or prompting from others before adding in their personal experiences. Occasionally, they make mistakes for situational reasons like feeling stressed or rushed.
“For adults with ADHD, it comes from a different place. … The interruptions occur quite often, and it tends to be due to a combination of impulsivity and lower self-monitoring,” Antshel said.
Impulsivity, or acting before thinking, is a well-known ADHD symptom. It can cause people to interrupt, blurt out ideas, shift the topic abruptly or forget to validate the other person’s thoughts. These impulsive behaviors can happen more frequently when driven by strong emotions.
People with ADHD have a more difficult time tempering emotions, so intense feelings of excitement, anxiety, stress or fear can lead to one-sided conversations and a lot of frustration. In those moments, it becomes hard to slow down and regain balance in the conversation.
“Often folks with ADHD can observe that they’re talking excessively but lack the regulatory capacity to put on the brakes,” said Marcy Caldwell, a clinical psychologist and founder of The Center for ADHD. “They know it’s happening, but they can’t stop themselves.
People with ADHD struggle with their ‘working memory.’
Sometimes people with ADHD will interrupt with personal stories when they are worried about deficits in their working memory. Caldwell compares working memory to a table that can only hold a limited number of items. People with ADHD have a smaller “working memory table,” with less room to manage their ideas.
“With less mental space to hold thoughts, they may interject an idea into the conversation for fear of it ‘falling off the table’ before they can organize it and share it appropriately,” Caldwell said.
Even if the person they are speaking with gives hints that they’re annoyed, the ADHD-er can miss the clue because they’re so focused on sorting thoughts and making sure they don’t forget anything. Or they might realize their mistake afterward when their brain has more time and space for processing.
“They get feedback from folks that they’re ‘too much’ and not being respectful … and they feel a lot of shame about it,” Caldwell said. “They’ll walk away from a conversation thinking, ‘Oh, I did it again.’”
Luis Alvarez via Getty Images
Constantly interrupting during a conversation to share a relatable story is a social habit many people with ADHD can’t help but do.
This habit is an attempt at belonging, not egotism.
The constant interjection with their own stories can lead to the assumption that people with ADHD are self-absorbed, but in reality, their brains just work differently.
“For years we thought there was a strong association between ADHD and narcissism … but there’s an increasing awareness in the field that [a person with ADHD] does not present as a classically narcissistic person would,” Antshel said. “People with ADHD talk about themselves, and it’s not necessarily driven by the same goals that you have in narcissism, which is ego inflation.”
Imagine someone who spent years struggling in school and now feels the need to show they’re capable, or someone who’s longed for close friendships and is eager to connect. In both cases, telling a quick, relatable story can be an attempt to fit in.
“Many people with ADHD have low self-esteem because of all the challenges of growing up with an ADHD brain, and the person will think, ’I need to prove myself,” said Terry Matlen, founder of ADDConsults and author of “The Queen of Distraction.”
These motivations are rooted less in ego and more in self-protection. People with ADHD can lack confidence due to years of academic struggles, social missteps or workplace setbacks. In response, they may overshare as a way to build relationships or as a reaction to their fear of being dismissed.
“Many people with ADHD just don’t know the social dance,” Matlen said. “If it interferes with their life, then that would qualify for that person to seek some professional help because it can really do a lot of damage if you’re not able to be part of that social dance.”
Just because you do this sometimes doesn’t mean you have ADHD.
When considering these symptoms, it’s critical to consider whether they disrupt daily life, because not everyone who occasionally interrupts or tells too many stories has ADHD.
“I think our culture, our technology and the constant notifications that we get are probably making it harder to focus for everyone, and that doesn’t mean you have ADHD. It’s part of this larger cultural context where our attention spans are increasingly at odds with technology,” Antshel said.
Antshel’s team published a recent study showing that exposure to ADHD content on social media can lead people to believe they have the disorder, even if they only experience occasional symptoms that don’t significantly affect daily life.
“One of my biggest concerns about all the publicity … with ADHD content is that it’s going to belittle the true experiences of people who really have ADHD,” Antshel said. “People should be seeing problems with their functioning in other areas as well, not just in the conversations that they’re having. There is no such thing as conversation-specific ADHD.”
There are ways people with ADHD can be more present in conversations.
Regardless of whether you have ADHD, there are a few ways to hone your conversational skills if you’re concerned about talking too much.
As a starting point, consider asking for feedback from a close friend or family member. You may discover you are interjecting with your own thoughts more or less frequently than you thought.
If it’s a habit you need to work on, consider the root causes. If you’re worried about forgetting, keep a pen and paper in your pocket to capture ideas. Instead of interrupting, jot down words or phrases, and then share when the time is right. This makes it easier to offer attention and validation before adding your own perspective.
If it feels funny to write in a notebook during a conversation, instead remind yourself that you’ll get a chance to chime in eventually. “If it’s really important to you, you probably are not going to forget it,” Antshel said.
There are also low-cost support groups like those offered through add.org, which typically teach strategies such as paraphrasing and three-second pauses. Members have a chance to practice the strategies in a safe, structured environment.
Outside of therapeutic settings, holding your conversations in calm spaces can help you stay regulated and focused.
“Be mindful of where you are having important conversations, and whenever possible, go to less stimulating environments,” Caldwell said. “The more demands competing for your attention, the more stimulation going on, the more likely your ADHD symptoms could interfere.”
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Like any other skill, the best way to grow is through practice. Work on being mindful, waiting for pauses, asking questions, acknowledging what others have said, and stopping whenever you interrupt.
“I use the analogy of wanting to get bigger biceps,” Antshel said. “What do you need to do? You need to exercise, you need to do some strength training. If you want to get better at not interrupting, what do you need to do? You need to practice not interrupting.”
