To the average tennis fan, the US Open wildcard pairing of tennis legend Venus Williams and rising star Leylah Fernandez sounded like just another doubles matchup. As the two advanced to the quarterfinals—losing yesterday to Taylor Townsend and Kateřina Siniaková—their chemistry and effortless camaraderie both on and off the court had the entire internet rallying around them. “It’s the best partner I’ve ever played with outside of Serena,” Williams said about Fernandez. “We’re almost the same. We play the same style. I’m just a little bit bigger. We’re a great team.”
If you didn’t know, Fernandez is 22 while Williams is 45—a notable gap (and one of the widest on the tour, which only adds to the intrigue). So we got to thinking: Could their age difference be one of the reasons they hit it off? (No pun intended.)
Just as we’ve started to culturally normalize age gaps in romantic relationships (thanks in part to recent movies like Babygirl and The Idea of You), experts say it’s also worth opening our minds to what we might gain when we engage in platonic age-gap friendships. Whether it’s five years between you or 20, these types of relationships can actually enrich our lives in ways same-age connections can’t, according to Jennifer Hoffman, LCSW, Connecticut-based therapist and the founder of Instar Healing.
Here are the most surprising perks of an age-gap friendship—and what we can all learn from befriending someone 10-plus years our senior (or junior).
What are the unique benefits of an age-gap friendship?
There’s less pressure to compete or compare.
Despite what you may think, being in totally different life stages can actually be helpful for bonding. Friends who are roughly the same age more easily fall into the trap of mental scorekeeping, Hoffman says. (Cue the flashback reel of being the only single one at your college friend’s wedding, watching a coworker who started when you did get promoted before you…etc.)
When you’re with someone of a different generation, however, it’s less likely you’ll feel as competitive, envious, and pressured—which makes it easier to enjoy each other’s company and celebrate each other’s wins without envy or nagging anxiety about where you “should” be.
Their wisdom and experience offer a unique perspective.
According to Kimberly Horn, EdD, MSW, psychologist and author of Friends Matter, for Life: Harnessing the 8 Tenets of Dynamic Friendship, one of the greatest benefits of an age-gap friendship is the built-in mentoring.
Let’s say you’ve just been dumped by who you thought was the love of your life. An older, wiser friend who’s weathered a few serious relationships (maybe even a divorce!) can draw on their lived experiences to reassure you that heartbreak isn’t the end of the world. (Much more helpful than a, “Sorry to hear that, but maybe it’s for the best!”) Or, if you’re debating a bold career leap, they can share how taking or passing on a similar risk shaped their own path, giving you perspective you might not get from someone your own age.
Youthful energy can inspire you to stay curious and ambitious.
Age-gap friendships aren’t just a one-way street. A younger companion, like Fernandez, brings a spark of energy and playfulness that even someone as experienced as Williams finds refreshing. The seven-time Grand Slam winner said it herself: Having Fernandez around helped her rediscover the joy and spontaneity of the sport, even inspiring her to bring back her signature twirl.
This dynamic holds true off the court as well, Horn tells SELF. Younger friends can keep you in the loop about what’s current, whether that’s the latest tech trend, new slang, or buzzy pop culture moments. More importantly, though, learning from someone who’s still figuring out their identity and taking risks can be a vivid reminder that growth, reinvention, and ambition aren’t limited to your 20s or 30s.
All of this is what makes the unlikely Venus-and-Leylah pairing so magnetic. As Horn points out, “Their partnership is a rare public glimpse of how friendship has no age limit—and challenges the assumption that deep bonds can only form when people are in the same season of life.” And judging by the way American crowds rallied behind them, it’s clear that this bond (one that transcends generations and cultural expectations) is not only worth rooting for, but perhaps also worth cultivating in our own lives.
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