It is very frustrating and worrisome when a spouse does not have the motivation to take care of their health needs, and it can begin to impact your marriage. And, while it may be obvious to you that your spouse needs to see a doctor, it might not be obvious to them.
This problem is more common for wives as men can be particularly stubborn about seeing doctors. Perhaps they see going to the doctor as a sign of weakness, or they are healthy and don’t need the doctor. Women are also more accustomed to seeing doctors regularly, such as the OB/GYN, so often do not exhibit this behavior.
Reasons People Refuse to See a Doctor
There are many reasons someone may refuse to see a doctor, both rational and irrational. These reasons may include:
- Believing their problem will go away on its own
- Fear of what the doctor might say
- Feeling too busy and not having time to be sick
- Experiencing stress from medical visits
- Concerns about the cost of medical care
- Embarrassment about the illness or medical condition
- Fear of being viewed as weak
- Worry about painful medical procedures
- Past negative experiences with a doctor, healthcare facility, or medical procedure
- Denying their current health status
What You Should Do
If your partner refuses to see a doctor, consider trying the following:
- Express your concerns. Share how their refusal of care impacts you negatively.
- Accept your role as a spouse, not as a parent. Remember, your spouse is an adult capable of making personal medical decisions.
- Tell your spouse you want them to see a doctor because you love them. Offer to go with them.
- Ask if you can help by setting up an appointment for them.
- Get professional help if necessary, especially if their refusal to seek care is life-threatening.
- Consult a counselor yourself to manage your feelings. It’s important to care for your emotions and accept feelings of frustration, anger, etc.
What Not to Do
While it may be difficult, it’s important not to become too involved in your spouse’s medical care. Here are some things to avoid:
- Nagging your spouse
- Setting up a doctor’s appointment without your spouse’s consent
- Arguing continuously about this issue
- Manipulating your spouse into getting help
- Threatening to leave the marriage (unless you genuinely mean it)
If your spouse is experiencing a psychological issue but refuses to see a doctor, it may be more likely to create distress in a marriage. It is often trickier to address a psychological issue, as the spouse may lack insight into the problem.
However, both psychological and medical problems left untreated can begin to impact the entire family system. A spouse not getting needed help can unintentionally send a message to their partner that their shared life is not important enough to preserve with medical care.
If a spouse continues to refuse medical help, starting counseling together may be a productive gateway to your spouse getting help on their own. But, it ultimately boils down to issues of personal responsibility that you may not be able to solve. So, beyond counseling, there unfortunately isn’t much more you can do other than share your feelings of concern, fear, and love.
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