Key Takeaways
- Cuckold relationships involve one partner finding pleasure when their partner is intimate with someone else.
- Honest communication is important; discuss feelings and concerns before trying cuckolding.
- Using safe sex practices is important when having multiple sexual partners to prevent STIs.
Cuckolding describes a dynamic in which one partner derives pleasure from their partner being intimate with another person. This fetish or kink is commonly believed to be enjoyed by only heterosexual men and their partners, but many others enjoy cuckolding.
Gay men often enjoy practicing it in relationships, as do some women and people of all orientations. In fact, the term “cuckquean” is used for women who enjoy seeing their partner be intimate with others.
The term ‘cuckold’ has its origins in the cuckoo bird and its behavior during nesting season. This bird is known to abandon its eggs in the safety of another bird’s nest, leaving other parents to care for these eggs until they hatch.
“Cuckold” is traditionally used as a noun to describe someone whose partner is exploring intimate/sexual activity with someone else. As a verb, it references the act of non-monogamy in which a partner is exploring intimate/sexual activity with someone else.
Historically, the word was used to describe a man who raised children fathered by another man, supposedly because he could not sexually satisfy his partner—resulting in her straying to be satisfied elsewhere.
Here are a few facts about the practice, ways to approach it with an intimate partner. and what yto consider before introducing cuckolding to your relationship.
Who Might Be Interested in a Cuckold Relationship?
It’s possible that those who enjoy consensual non-monogamy might consider a cuckold relationship. Consensual non-monogamy describes any relationship in which participants clearly and explicitly agree to have multiple sexual and/or romantic relationships at the same time.
A cuckold relationship may sometimes involve one partner being present while sex happens. Other times, they might simply help their partner get ready for a date with another person, or listen as the event is relayed.
In other cases, a person may derive happiness from knowing their partner is experiencing sexual pleasure with another. They may enjoy the humiliation of another person pleasing their partner, and they may be aroused hearing insults about not being to adequately satisfy their partner.
This polyamory quiz was reviewed by Ivy Kwong, LMFT.
Why You Might Enjoy a Cuckold Relationship
The reasons people enjoy cuckolding are as individual as the people themselves. Here are the most common reasons you might like the practice.
You Find Pleasure in Someone Else Receiving Pleasure
If you have thoughts of your partner reaching joyous sexual fulfillment with another person, you may be chasing what is known as “compression,” the opposite of jealousy. Compersion refers to feelings of pleasure knowing that your partner is thoroughly enjoying themselves, even with someone else. Someone who enjoys compersion might find cuckolding attractive.
You Want to Engage in Something That Feels “Taboo”
People who add outside parties to their relationships are often judged for deviating from the so-called norm. You might find this attractive. Note, however, that this behavior might be just a sexual fantasy or preference on display.
The thought of doing something society judges as “taboo” can be exciting for some.
You Want to Try Something New
Sex with an exclusive partner can be exciting and satisfying for most people. However, if you’re looking for a change, inviting another person into your intimate moments can add an extra spark to your sexual relationship.
You Want to Foster Communication in Your Relationship
When partners can openly discuss and engage in behavior that is not considered mainstream, some achieve a level of honesty that can spill into other areas of the relationship. Being able to enjoy a cuckold relationship can be a sign that no-holds-barred communication exists between you and your partner.
Hotwifing, Candaulism, and Other Relationship Dynamics Similar to Cuckolding
Many people experience pleasure from the external attention their romantic partners receive, such as in the following arrangements.
Hotwifing
A heterosexual male partner who enjoys “hotwifing” derives pride and pleasure from having a desirable wife. He likely encourages his partner to have sexual adventures with other men, almost in confirmation of her desirability. He may even watch while his wife is in the act.
Although hotwifing centers on pride rather than the happiness or humiliation associated with cuckolding, many people use the terms interchangeably.
Candaulism
In this practice, a person shows their partner’s intimate images to others and enjoys the positive reaction. In some cases, this partner may be exposed directly to others for their sexual satisfaction.
Candaulism leans more toward a voyeuristic interest, whereas cuckolding involves actual physical contact.
How to Try Cuckolding
Cuckolding can be an uncomfortable subject to bring up. Here are a few ways to ethically introduce the possibility of this practice with your partner.
Begin With Honesty
Broach the conversation gently, clarifying the reasons you want to try this. Although you can hope for the best, your partner might not be as enthusiastic as you. They might even feel insulted. So, a rejection of your proposal is also a real possibility. Then again, your partner might be very interested and show some curiosity. Honest communication is key; be prepared to answer questions and address worries.
Dip Into Things Slowly
If a partner agrees to explore this, wait a bit to find a third party if you haven’t already.
Maybe you start by talking about cuckolding during foreplay or while being intimate with each other. For instance, the cuckold may describe how much it would turn them on to see their partner being pleasured by another person.
See how your partner feels if you flirt with another person in front of them. You might try seeing how you feel about virtual or phone sex with a third party.
These small steps can help you both ease into the idea before your first cuckolding session.
Keep Communication Lines Open
At all times during a cuckolding relationship, regular feedback on the feelings and comfort levels of all involved parties is crucial.
Everyone should be able to share what they don’t want to occur during sessions, what they’d like to see more of, or if they would like to pause further interactions.
Things to Consider
A cuckold relationship can involve complex emotions and exposure to factors that can affect well-being. When looking to set up this relationship with a partner, be sure to go over the following.
Safety Risks
Having multiple sexual partners can increase the chances of contracting and/or transmitting sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Practicing safe sex and complete openness about sexual history are important.
Changed Feelings
Anger, jealousy, and sadness commonly spring up in a multipartner arrangement. Everyone involved should accommodate these feelings and allow for the possibility that someone might become uninterested despite their earlier excitement.
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