Key Takeaways
- If you have fewer resources, you might feel more stressed.
- How your body reacts to stress can be different from other people.
- Building strong friendships and planning ahead can help you handle stress better.
Have you ever noticed that some people seem to thrive in chaos, while others get overwhelmed by even positive changes in their lives? Stress is a highly subjective experience.
While many of us are stressed by roughly the same things—jobs, money, being overscheduled, relationship conflict—different people may react more or less strongly to the same situation for several reasons.
If Someone Has Fewer Resources to Help Them Cope, They Will Be Extra Stressed
One widely-accepted definition of stress is that it’s what occurs when the perceived demands of a situation outweigh one’s available resources. In other words, stress plus limited resources equals more stress.
So, if you’re stressed out, your body thinks that it’s being threatened in some way. This triggers the body’s stress response. Therefore, the level of resources one has available can make a significant difference in whether someone experiences stress in a given situation.
What Do We Mean By ‘Resources?’
It’s also important to note that “resources” refer to external and internal factors. Your resources help you to cope with stressful situations.
External Resources
Money
Help from other people
Job/food security
So, let’s look at the following scenario to break down what this looks like. Let’s say two people (person A and person B) working at the same company are experiencing major work stress. They have deadlines and some coworkers are on vacation which means that have even more work to do. Both person A and person B are working under the same kind of stress, but they have different resources:
- Person A’s resources: They have managing their tasks down to a science and can easily prioritize all of the things they need to get done. They also have a good friend in the office who they go to when they’re stressed out or when they feel like going to lunch.
- Person B’s resources: Too many tasks overwhelms person B because they have a hard time prioritizing their tasks. They’re also more introverted than person A and don’t really have anyone to turn to during the workday.
Who do you think might have an easier time coping with job stress? You got it—it’s person A.
So, it becomes pretty clear that the difference in available resources is a major factor in why two people may experience the same situation differently.
How to Increase Your Resources
- Create strong friendships, so you’ll have greater social support in times of stress.
- Plan ahead in terms of time and money, so you’ll have some reserves in case of an emergency.
- Try to have a “plan B” in case things go wrong. This doesn’t mean you always think that the worst-case scenario will happen or that your “plan A” is destined to fail but rather that you’re prepared for anything.
- Anticipate a potentially difficult situation and create a plan for it. Even if the plan doesn’t go as planned, you’ll be better prepared by taking the time to anticipate it and plan for it.
- Build your toolbox full of at least three go-to resources or coping mechanisms, including something internal where you don’t rely on anything or anyone else (e.g., journaling, meditating, yoga)
Everyone’s Body Handles Stress Differently
Some people are naturally more sensitive and reactive to stress. Differences in temperament and a collection of inborn personality traits can cause some people to be naturally more resilient in the face of stress while others can feel more threatened and less able to cope.
While we can’t change the temperament we were born with, we can become more aware of our predispositions and work around them by building up skills that may compensate for certain sensitivities, or structure our lifestyles to minimize the impact of triggers.
Build Your Personal Resilience
- Talk to a trusted friend in times of crisis, to gain support and perspective.
- Give yourself time to process what’s going on in your life before immediately reacting. It’s helpful (but not completely essential) to have a spiritual focus that works for you.
- Certain stress management techniques (like meditation and exercise, for example) can build your resilience in the face of future stressors. Try them.
What People Believe About a Situation Influences Their Stress Level
So, let’s explore what this means. Basically, any situation is neutral until you interpret the event. Everyone interprets events differently because everyone has different thoughts, emotions, and moral compasses.
Let’s go back to person A and person B from our example earlier. If person A really loves their job and person B doesn’t find any enjoyment in their job—the stress related to the job will feel different for each of them. Person A might see the hectic days as a challenge they actually want to take on but person B may look at it like a chore and find it to be grueling.
So, if you interpret the event/situation as a threat then that is going to lead to a different emotion and behavior. Shifting your perspective about an event may help you cope with it. For instance, breakups hurt and are painful. However, someone who views a breakup as a blessing in disguise might heal a bit faster than someone who believes that they will never fall in love again.
What This Means For You
Accepting another perspective can be really tough—which is OK. It’s not supposed to be easy but it can help boost your resilience and reclaim some of your power. You can try looking for humor in a not-so-great situation or recognizing that you’re not the first or last person who had a particular experience.
If you need some assistance doing this, a therapist can help reframe your thoughts so that you can work through whatever life throws your way.
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