Although we’ve come a long way as a culture in destigmatizing therapy, there are still many lingering myths and misunderstandings that shape how people think about the process.
From incorrect beliefs about how therapy is “supposed” to work to misguided assumptions about what it means to seek mental health treatment in the first place, these misconceptions can keep people from pursuing this helpful option ― or leave them disappointed when it doesn’t unfold the way they imagined.
Below, mental health professionals break down some common misconceptions about therapy and what the experience is actually like.
Misconception: Going to therapy means something is wrong with you.
“A persistent misconception is that going to therapy means something is wrong with you, or that you are weak,” Dr. Sue Varma, a psychiatrist and author of “Practical Optimism,” told HuffPost.
She ― like most mental health professionals ― doesn’t see it that way, however.
“It takes courage to reflect honestly on your life, your patterns and your relationships,” Varma said. “In my experience, the people who do that work are some of the bravest people I know.”
Misconception: Therapy is only for extreme or acute emotional times.
Another common misconception is that you should only seek therapy in times of extreme distress or a spiral.
“Many people come through my door for the first time immediately following a loss or major life disruption like a breakup,” said psychotherapist Meg Gitlin. “This is OK and is often a motivating factor for seeking help. However, there are people who come to therapy when they have ‘hit rock bottom’ emotionally and then disappear when things are good until the next fire.”
Although people can seek therapy intermittently or to address short-term issues, Gitlin finds the most successful therapy experiences are not defined solely by catastrophic events.
“My experience as a therapist tells me that while therapy can feel particularly helpful during crisis management, people are actually able to understand and process much more when things are going well for them,” she said. “I would encourage people to stick with therapy when things calm down, and they can approach their issues from a thoughtful non-alarmist stance.”
Misconception: There will be a big epiphany moment.
“Another misconception is that therapy always has to involve dramatic breakthroughs,” Varma said. “Sometimes the work is quieter. Simply bringing problems into the open, gaining insight, increasing awareness and trusting your own intelligence to manage challenges more effectively can be deeply meaningful.”
She noted that a core goal of therapy is to build flexibility in how you think, relate to others and respond to stress. The process can help you understand different people’s perspectives, strengthen self-compassion and empathy, and learn healthier ways to cope with difficulties, express emotions and deepen relationships.
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Many people come into therapy with misconceptions about how quickly the process unfolds.
“Finding out how to improve our mental state and reduce our suffering is a process,” said therapist Nina Tomkiewicz. “Life is made up of small moments, so ‘small wins’ are the necessary building blocks of ‘big change.’ I always love celebrating small wins with my clients ― I think this is something we just aren’t taught to do in this society. We see big, sweeping accomplishments celebrated in the media, and we think that’s how our life should go.”
But what’s more important are the small moments when you start to feel like you get it and see improvements that show what you’re doing is working.
Misconception: Medication can replace the need for therapy.
“Many clients believe that if they begin taking medication, their problems will be resolved,” said Jill Lamar, a licensed professional counselor with Thriveworks. “Yes, medication in certain circumstances can be a helpful part of treatment, and often those clients feel better with it. But evidence shows that medication plus talk therapy is the combination that provides the best chance of success.”
She noted that therapists want to see their clients feel better, and medication can be a great partner in treatment.
“Talk therapy provides an opportunity to discover and change destructive attitudes and behaviors that drive the negative feelings, and can provide resolution as opposed to merely changing one’s brain chemistry,” Lamar said.
Misconception: You should feel change quickly.
“It takes time for a person to learn how to best use the therapy space,” Tomkiewicz said. “Especially if you’ve never been to see a therapist before, you shouldn’t expect to know exactly what to do or how to be or what to share.”
She emphasized that people make lots of mistakes and take time to figure things out at the beginning of their therapy journeys.
“In the beginning, it’s OK to make mistakes and figure things out,” Tomkiewicz said. “I’ve worked with clients before who came to our initial sessions without knowing what to talk about or where to begin. But over time, they became more aware of the exact topics they wanted to bring into the therapy space to review and change.”
Over time, she added, people often become more empowered with their change process ― noticing problems during the week, taking the steps they can and then bringing the rest to sessions to figure it out with their therapist.
“We also need to give ourselves the grace to practice figuring out how to be satisfied with our therapy sessions,” Tomkiewicz said.
Varma similarly advised against rushing the therapy process or giving up too quickly.
“I encourage people to read a therapist’s bio, see whether their approach resonates and check whether they specialize in what you are actually seeking help for ― whether that is couples or family work, anxiety, depression, OCD, substance use, eating disorders or another concern,” Varma said. “It is also completely appropriate to ask therapists questions about their training and approach, and to use the first one or two sessions simply to see if the fit feels right.”
Misconception: Everything will focus on your childhood.
“Another misconception about therapy is that most of the work will be surrounding a client’s childhood,” Gitlin said. “While it’s important to me to obtain and consider a complete oral history about a client’s upbringing, I think therapy is just as effectively focused on the present and future of the client.”
While exploring early experiences can be meaningful, many therapists stress that the work doesn’t stop there.
“This means talking about what things would look like presently if the client was able to make some changes,” Gitlin said. “I also think it’s important to cultivate hope about the future, and take specific measurable steps to get the client there.”
Misconception: Therapy provides a simple ‘fix.’
“Sometimes therapy is viewed idealistically, as something that is going to solve all their problems,” said Caitlyn Oscarson, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “Therapy is all about noticing what’s not working, discovering the common themes and making small steps toward new patterns.”
Tori-Lyn Mills, a licensed professional counselor with Thriveworks, advised against viewing therapy as a way to find a simple or quick “fix” for your mental health and relationship struggles.
“While some issues can be addressed through solution-focused therapy to ‘fix’ a problem, many people come to therapy for things that need to be healed,” she said. “The misconception is that the therapist or therapy is going to ‘fix’ something that actually needs to be acknowledged and/or explored for healing, or the idea that there is an external remedy when the work is really internal and requires practice.”
Varma similarly emphasized that simply showing up to therapy is not going to “fix” or magically change your life.
“I see this often in couples therapy, where partners come in hoping the therapist will ‘fix’ the other person,” she said. “Each person is focused on what their partner needs to change, rather than on their own role and responsibility. Therapy requires agency. Growth comes from taking accountability and actively practicing new ways of thinking, communicating and responding.”
Misconception: The therapist runs the show.
“A misconception is that the therapist is the primary agent of change rather than the client,” Mills said. “Therapy offers the opportunity to develop a different relationship with yourself. Sharing expectations, thoughts and beliefs you have about therapy with your therapist can help to foster openness, allowing you to approach the process with both an open mind and open heart, and get the most out of your sessions.”
Clients can get more out of therapy by sharing specifics about what success and progress would look like and if they recognize any actionable steps that could help reach those goals.
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Many people misunderstand the therapist’s role in the process.
“Therapy is a place where you should feel collaboratively involved in the process,” Tomkiewicz said. “If you and your therapist are diving deep into one topic, but you realize that there is actually a bigger, more important topic that is surfacing, it’s important to say something and request to shift the conversation.”
Of course, the therapist plays an active role in the process as well. But sharing feedback with them can help foster a good connection and empower the client.
“Remember: You are the expert on your life, not your therapist,” Tomkiewicz said. “They are experts in the domain of mental health, psychology, healthy communication, but they do not know what stirs your soul ― you do. You should feel like you can be more of yourself in the therapy room.”
Misconception: All the work and healing happens in sessions.
Lamar believes a big misconception about therapy is “that all the work and healing will happen in their sessions.” She explained that people tend to be creatures of habit with deeply ingrained attitudes or behaviors that contribute to uncomfortable experiences and feelings.
“A common phrase therapists employ is, ‘It gets worse before it gets better,’” Lamar said. “Breaking these habits can be very hard. Though a therapist will point them out and hold clients accountable in session, the real work happens after the client leaves.”
That’s why it’s useful to think about therapy in between sessions, paying attention to emotions and events that impact you, and how you might apply what you’re learning.
“I often compare therapy to working out with a trainer,” Gitlin said. “The trainer can teach you exercises but in order to strengthen these muscles, you actually have to do them regularly. Especially if these exercises target muscles that aren’t often used, it will feel really difficult or even impossible at first.”
With practice, however, your muscles get stronger the exercises become easier. The same logic can apply to practicing healthier communication patterns.
“People may not have been taught certain skills growing up because better options weren’t prioritized or modeled for them,” Gitlin said. “However, they may have identified in therapy that it’s something they want to work on. That’s where the real work comes in ― identifying and implementing a plan are the best way to maximize the benefits of therapy.”
Some therapists give homework assignments as part of treatment. That might involve taking note of triggering situations, behaviors, intrusive thoughts or responses to events during the week. Or even writing personal essays. Or implementing healthier habits.
“Better communication takes practice and commitment,” Lamar said. “Learning how to de-escalate an emotionally heightened situation and setting boundaries can be scary, but they’re often necessary in many relationships. Most of this work is done outside the therapist’s office.”
Misconception: You’ll find certainty in life after ‘healing.’
“I think a misconception we have about healing in this culture in general is the belief that once we are ‘healed,’ we will find certainty in life,” Tomkiewicz said. “I think many of us enter the self-improvement space believing that we will eliminate suffering if we just follow a step-by-step guide, and that our lives will just get more predictable and secure ― and thus better ― if we just do our homework.”
But the reality is that life is inherently uncertain, and leaning how to exist in that uncertainty is what improves our experience.
“It’s learning how to make meaning out of our lives in a way that feels life-giving rather than life-destroying,” Tomkiewicz said, emphasizing that this is a highly individual journey that changes over time.
“Therapy can be so helpful because it offers healing within the very human experience of interconnectedness, of having your more vulnerable parts held and reflected back to you by another person,” she added. “It’s a really beautiful process, but one that does not result in life being more predictable, in bad things never happening, and in you having all the answers.”
