Whether you recently went to your primary care doctor or visited the emergency room, you more than likely had an interaction with a nurse. Perhaps they were the ones responsible for taking your vitals or drawing your blood (and those are just the basics).
Because they do so much during appointments, unfortunately this means they can be a target when patients aren’t feeling well and are keen on seeing the doctor. This can end in patients making rude remarks, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
“Patient rudeness often comes about out of frustration, stress and lack of knowledge,” said Katie Jett, a family nurse practitioner and dean of the school of nursing at Ponce Health Sciences University in St. Louis. “More effort to inform the country about the role of nurses would help educate the public and further build a trusting relationship.”
Ahead, we spoke to nurses about some of the rudest things people have said to them during appointments. (Plus, some alternatives you can consider trying out that are more respectful and polite.)
‘You’re just a nurse.’
There is no such thing as “just” a nurse, although it’s common for patients to say.
“This statement dismisses years of education, clinical expertise and patient advocacy,” said Jason Dunne, a doctor of nursing practice and chief academic officer for Arizona College of Nursing. “Nurses are licensed professionals who assess, treat and advocate for their patients every day and are important members of patients’ care teams.”
‘You do this for the money.’
Everyone works for money. However, that doesn’t mean people with higher-paying jobs ― especially those in the medical field ― aren’t passionate or don’t truly care about the profession or patients.
“People usually say this out of resentment, likely projecting their own burnout onto someone who shows up with purpose,” said Kiara DeWitt, certified pediatric nurse and CEO of InjectCo. “That kind of comment erases years of education, unpaid clinicals, trauma exposure and physical exhaustion. I ignore it, mostly because anyone who has done a 14-hour shift in compression socks would laugh at the idea that nursing is a get-rich career.”
‘Why didn’t you become a doctor?’
Implying that people who are nurses aren’t as smart as doctors is a common trope that medical professionals are tired of hearing.
“The rudeness is in thinking that RNs are not a vital part of health care and that we depend on the doctor rather than being highly trained and educated and critical providers of health care,” said Karen O’Donnell Fountain, Fastaff ER nurse and director of clinical services. “Some people are under the false impression that doctors can do anything better than a nurse when in fact, RNs hold a solemn responsibility for patient care.”
Nurses told HuffPost that patients will often directly or indirectly discredit their medical background.
‘When will the real doctor come in?’
The doctor will eventually come to see you if you have an appointment booked with them so saying this to a nurse is rude and condescending.
“This question completely disrespects the autonomy and power we nurses have in our practice,” DeWitt said. “It also downplays the care a nurse is providing as second best when, in fact, many interventions are in the purview of nursing skill.”
A better way to phrase this question is to ask, “Will you explain to me how you fit into my care?”
‘I don’t want a male nurse.’
“I believe this one is still said out loud and it shows an unease rooted in old-fashioned gender norms,” DeWitt said. “It suggests male nurses are somehow less nurturing or less appropriate for bedside care, which is absurd. I always remind people that nurses are trained professionals regardless of gender and all deserve the same trust.”
A more respectful way to express preference would be something along the lines of: “I’d feel more comfortable with a nurse I can speak openly with.”
‘You only work three days a week? That must be nice.’
Yes, it’s true most nurses work three days a week ― however, the shifts are longer than your standard 9-to-5.
“Those ‘three days’ are often 12- to 14-hour shifts on their feet and this statement overlooks the long days and physically demanding nature of these shifts,” Dunne said. “Plus, nurses are also often faced with shifts on weekends, nights and holidays, which, to many, are undesirable.”
Many people simply don’t understand the realities of a nurse’s schedule or know the physical and emotional demands of those long shifts.
‘I could never do your job.’
Many people genuinely can’t imagine handling the challenges of nursing — long hours, seeing patients in pain, demanding family members, etc.
According to Dunne, while this can be meant as admiration, it can feel like the job is impossible or undesirable. “Nurses are leaders and caregivers who don’t only deal with bodily fluids, but who need to have top-notch decision-making skills and plenty of clinical expertise,” Dunne said.
