The first thing many women notice on a silent retreat isn’t the calm: It’s the noise they brought with them.
When Sarah Harmon originally considered attending a silent retreat back in 2019, the draw went beyond a scenic getaway from screens and the chaos of family life. She wanted something rarer: the opportunity to escape the constant anticipation of the next email, the next call, the next item on her to-do list. “Especially as a mother, it’s been almost impossible to prioritize and set boundaries for quiet,” Harmon, 43, a therapist and mom of two based in Boston, tells SELF. “I felt like I was always doing, doing, doing and putting everybody else’s needs first.”
So she signed up for a retreat at the Insight Meditation Society, a secluded wooden center in central Massachusetts. There, for five days, she lost access to her phone as well as her usual fillers for downtime—books, small talk, and idle hobbies. Instead, her days were structured around long periods of sitting, walking, and even eating in complete silence.
A sitting meditation at Insight Meditation Society in central Massachusetts.Stephanie Zollshan Photography
It was the first time she’d experienced true “peace and quiet,” something so unfamiliar it initially felt unsettling. What she didn’t expect, though, is how loud it could be.
Most people are rarely alone with their thoughts for more than a few hours at a time. Strip away conversation, distraction, and ambient noise, and “it’s really overwhelming when you’re spending that many days in your head,” Harmon explains. Her initial reaction was less zen and more panic: This is too quiet. I need to get out of here. Give me my phone—give me something to do! Yet that discomfort, she came to realize, was what made the experience so powerful—so much so that she has returned two more times since, most recently last year.
“It sets up really unique conditions where you not only actually hear yourself but are held accountable to stay present without jumping back into the distraction and the busyness,” Harmon says—and she’s far from alone in craving that cathartic reset.
Silent retreats have long been popular among seasoned meditators and yoga devotees, but in recent years, they seem to be attracting a broader, perhaps more mainstream, and beginner-friendly crowd. Mothers, businesswomen, even students who wouldn’t necessarily describe themselves as “spiritual” are carving out days or weeks for intentional quiet.
But to understand why silence is especially appealing now, we first have to understand what women are retreating from.
