By now, you’ve probably heard something about Brooklyn Beckham’s tension with his family. For months, there were unaddressed rumors that he was estranged from his parents David and Victoria Beckham. But the 26-year-old finally spoke up on Tuesday, sharing a lengthy Instagram Stories post that detailed what he says are ongoing attempts by his parents to sabotage his relationship with his wife, Nicola Peltz.
There’s been a lot of public commentary in reaction to Beckham’s posts, with people choosing sides. But no matter your opinion on Beckham’s situation, one thing is clear: Family issues are something many people can relate to.
While Beckham decided to go public with his concerns, therapists say there’s a different option to consider: You can “quiet quit” your family. Here’s what it involves, plus why it’s a strategy worth mulling over if you’re struggling with family tension.
What does it mean to quiet quit your family?
“Quiet quitting” is a term that gained ground in the early 2020s to describe doing the bare minimum at your job. Meaning, you show up and do what you need to do without going above and beyond. People who practice quiet quitting usually set clear boundaries and stress a good work-life balance. It’s seen as a way to lower the risk of burnout without actually stepping away from the whole situation.
Quiet quitting your family uses a similar approach. “It’s taking a step back without making a big declaration,” Aaron P. Brinen, PsyD, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, tells SELF. This can mean accepting less invitations to family gatherings, sharing less with family members, or a combination of these.
There are a few reasons to consider this if you’re struggling with family issues.
Quiet quitting your family gives you a chance to decompress and think about what you want, Dr. Brinen says. “If you keep showing up to these experiences and they’re negative, you’re doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome,” he says.
But taking a step back and taking the time to think about your values in the context of family can be a helpful way to move forward, both for your mental health and your relationship with your family, Dr. Brinen says. “The benefit only comes when we reflect,” he says.
You can reflect on your own or by talking to your support system, which may include a therapist, Thea Gallagher, PsyD, clinical associate professor of psychology at NYU Langone Health, tells SELF. “Try to get a sense of what it is that you’re upset about, and see if other people feel that it’s reasonable,” she says. “Some things are more objective than others.” Meaning, having your parents refuse to spend time with your partner is a clearer situation than if you just get a vague sense that your family doesn’t like them.
