In truth, this correlation isn’t universal, nor is it always fair. Of course, plenty of people have reasons for what they will or won’t eat: sensory sensitivities, texture aversions, allergies, religious practices, or medical conditions. And then there are others (myself included) who don’t have any practical explanation. In some cases, a limited palate is nothing more than a preference, like any we’re entitled to have—and it has nothing to do with being high-maintenance or immature, as many vegans, greens haters, and plain eaters emphasize to me.
“Picky eating isn’t necessarily a personality flaw,” Dr. Wallach asserts. “It’s just a preference, and if you want someone who eats similarly to you, that’s fine.”
Though a delicious irony comes with this dealbreaker, of course: In disqualifying people who seem “rigid” about food, we also become guilty of the same inflexibility we’re judging in someone else. “You shouldn’t dismiss someone just because they express a trait that’s different from you,” Dr. Romanoff points out. “That doesn’t mean you’re incompatible.”
In fact, it’s a pattern she sees often in modern dating: a hyperfocus on instant alignment. Understandably, no one wants to waste time with the “wrong” person, which is why it’s so tempting to shortcut the slow, risky path of discovering compatibility by looking for people who match us in obvious ways: They like the same music; they root for the same sports team; perhaps they have the same favorite food or restaurant.
However, that surface-level screening—which can feel like a sign of fate at first—misses deeper qualities that actually sustain a relationship, Dr. Romanoff argues. What matters more than agreeing on the Dune movies or disliking potatoes in any form is whether you can disagree without resentment or how comfortable you feel navigating vulnerable conversations about commitment—none of which you can screen for in a Hinge prompt.
So yes, maybe your date only wants dairy-, gluten-, and sugar-free desserts that taste like cardboard, or they order at upscale restaurants from the kids’ menu. But before you swipe left, at least consider this: At what point are we being a little too picky about the picky?
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