Throughout my life, I have been a reliable friend, a good student, a driven worker, a consistent athlete, and an adventurous person. I come from a loving home and consider myself fortunate to have the family that I do. I have always found meaning in helping others, which is what motivated me to pursue a master’s degree in counseling psychology and become a licensed mental health counselor and addiction specialist. I am a wife, mother, daughter, therapist, and author. I’m also a woman in long-term recovery from alcoholism.
As a teenager and young adult, I had a “work hard, play hard” mentality. When I drank, I would often black out and not remember what I had said or done for a portion of the night. But I just thought that this happened to anyone if they drank too much. When my drinking led me to do things I wasn’t proud of, such as saying rude things or leaving parties without my friends and causing worry, I would immediately take responsibility and apologize. I tried to moderate my drinking for four years with useless tactics like drinking my least favorite drinks, sipping water in between cocktails, or exercising before going out (thinking it might somehow slow my consumption). What I learned is that if you have to work that hard to control something, it is already out of control.
After a particularly reckless night in 2004—promising myself I would not drink more than three drinks, then proceeding to black out and wake up in an unknown location—my friends confronted me, and I decided that I never wanted to feel that way again. I finally saw that the biggest issue I had in life was my drinking. A great job, thriving relationships, and being an overall productive member of society didn’t mean that I couldn’t also be an alcoholic.
What is a high-functioning alcoholic?
The term “high-functioning alcoholic” sounds like an oxymoron, but it’s not. In simple terms, it refers to a person who’s dependent on alcohol, but still functions well in their professional and personal life. This allows for hiding in plain sight, building a fortress of external accomplishments, activity, social media imagery, family, relationships, and success that block loved ones from confronting or even noticing your drinking. In short, you appear like you have it all together, when inside, you’re battling addiction.
It’s a lot more common than you might think. A significant study categorized the 27.1 million Americans with alcohol use disorder (AUD) into subtypes. Most notable was that the functional and young adult subtypes represented roughly between 19% to 31% of all alcoholics, while the chronic severe subtype represented only 9%—yet the latter has become the stereotype.
