Key Takeaways
- Inner child work is a therapeutic process that helps people connect with and heal younger parts of themselves that have been shaped by earlier experiences.
- Unresolved inner child wounds may show up as triggers and patterns that affect your current well-being, happiness, and relationships.
- Healing with inner child work can involve types of therapy like internal family systems therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and parenting yourself.
Inner child work is the process of connecting with and healing the younger part of your psyche that still influences how you think, feel, and react as an adult. Often used in psychotherapy and spiritual settings, inner child work helps people uncover and process unresolved childhood hardships, trauma, and even triumphs that continue to shape their present lives.
When we ignore our inner child and the ways our past shapes our present, we do ourselves a major disservice. We can overlook formative experiences that can help us understand our triggers and heal some of our maladaptive coping mechanisms.
Why Inner Child Work Matters
The renowned psychologist Carl Jung first introduced the concept of the inner child. Our inner child can drive many of our emotions in our daily lives, especially when we are unaware of it.
You can think of your inner child as who you were during an important time in your life, someone you may have lost touch with, despite their importance to you. However, the relationship with the inner child is different from relationships you might have with others you’ve lost touch with.
When you lose conscious awareness of your inner child, you lose conscious awareness of a part of yourself. In turn, you may experience difficulty regulating your emotions and act from a regressed state when upset.
For example:
- You could find yourself having an angry outburst akin to a temper tantrum.
- You might feel shameful and lonely, just as you did as a child.
- You may notice that when stressed, you switch moods swiftly, similar to how a child may navigate an unsettling situation.
Our inner child can be behind many of our emotions, and it can bring about great healing when properly nurtured.
What Is an Inner Child Wound?
An inner child wound refers to an adverse childhood experience, which is a damaging experience a person lived through as a child.
In turn, this experience can result in unresolved trauma that manifests within adults. When you find yourself acting out of character or having uncontrollable emotions, you could be behaving from that younger part of yourself that was wounded.
What Triggers Your Inner Child?
When the inner child is triggered, you will notice the aforementioned behavior that doesn’t feel like it is in line with your true character.
Inner child triggers aren’t much different from any other triggers we may encounter. Referred to as trigger events, these issues can be mundane examples of disruption in an otherwise ordinary day.
For example, being late to work could lead one to feel unreasonably concerned that they will be publicly shamed, chastised, or fired, despite having perfect attendance and flawless reviews. Yet, this person could have experienced an unstable home environment where they were continually shamed, yelled at, or even physically abused for the smallest mistake.
But it’s important to remember that the inner child isn’t a mere source of discontent. The inner child can present as free-spirited, excited, and light. Think back to a moment you felt genuinely excited and giddy. It could have been when doing something you enjoyed or when receiving excellent news. This is an example of a positive inner child trigger. Even if you’ve never had this experience, there are ways to access it by tapping into your inner child.
How to Connect With Your Inner Child
Inner child work can be emotionally arduous—especially if you have a trauma history. With that in mind, you’ll want to refrain from revisiting any traumatic events from your childhood by yourself. Having a psychotherapist by your side as you dive into painful memories can help avoid retraumatization and ensure your hard work is fruitful.
Consider ways you can tap into the joy of being a child. Was there an activity you loved as a kid? Consider taking it up. Were amusement parks your thing? Plan a trip and lean into the silliness of it all.
What Healing Your Inner Child Looks Like
If you notice that your inner child feels triggered often, it may be time to consider some healing work. First, psychotherapy is a fantastic option. Some forms of talk therapy incorporate inner child work.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a form of therapy that focuses on the different parts of a human being. Each part has a role that it strives to play, even if it results in lackluster coping mechanisms.
Does this sound familiar? It should; everyone has a younger part working to protect the individual. However, in the same way a five-year-old isn’t going to be the most skilled in navigating safety concerns and troubleshooting major conflicts, the younger part of a person isn’t the best candidate to make decisions. Thus, IFS focuses on bringing all parts of a person’s psyche into harmony.
Psychodynamic Therapy
Another modality of therapy that may be particularly helpful in healing your inner child is psychodynamic therapy. This form of therapy postulates our past shapes our present and focuses on helping you heal from past trauma.
Psychodynamic therapy uses the relationship between the client and the therapist as a powerful vehicle for change.
Let’s say you find your inner child triggered by your therapist. A skilled and compassionate psychodynamic therapist will work with you to sort through what the therapeutic relationship might represent for you, drawing upon family dynamics and relational wounds. These parallels will be used as fodder for understanding your psyche further and deepening your healing journey.
Why Reparenting Yourself Can Help
A clinician can help you learn how to reparent your inner child. However, there are steps you can take on your own. The goal of reparenting is to care for, give, and allow yourself to receive the validation, love, and nurturing that you may not have received in the way that you needed it as a child. Here are some ways to get started:
- Begin a dialogue with your inner child (you can choose any age – 5, 8, 10, 12, etc.), ask them how they are doing and if there is anything they would like to share with you, and engage in a mindful and intentional dialogue with them. Listen to what they may have to say to you in response.
- Write a letter to your inner child and allow them the opportunity to respond by writing back to you.
- Say nurturing things to your inner child (I love you, I appreciate you, I value you, I’m proud of you, I hear you, thank you, I’m sorry).
- Look at photos of yourself as a child and tell them everything they needed to hear then; allow them (and you) to receive it now.
- Think and write about what you loved doing when you were young, and make and protect time to do those things now.
- Engage in meditation and creative visualization with your inner child.
You can validate the pain that has come from not having your needs met as a kid. Assure your younger self that while you may have been in situations that weren’t safe then, you’re a competent adult who will keep that child part safe at all costs. Nurture that younger self. If you notice you’re triggered and getting flooded with negative emotions, grant yourself patience.
Where to Get Help
If therapy feels like a cost-prohibitive venture, don’t let that stop you from getting the healing you deserve. Open Path Collective is a directory with a wide variety of clinicians who have diverse identities and sessions range from $40 to $80.
If you’re someone with a marginalized identity seeking support, check out Inclusive Therapists to find a provider who can truly understand you. Finding peace is possible and you don’t have to go it alone.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
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Sjöblom M, Öhrling K, Prellwitz M, Kostenius C. Health throughout the lifespan: The phenomenon of the inner child reflected in events during childhood experienced by older persons. Int J Qual Stud Health Well-being. 2016;11(1):31486. doi:10.3402/qhw.v11.31486
Hestbech AM. Reclaiming the inner child in cognitive-behavioral therapy: The complementary model of the personality. APT. 2018;71(1):21-27. doi:10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.20180008
Cai J, Li J, Liu D, et al. Long-term effects of childhood trauma subtypes on adult brain function. Brain Behav. 2023;13(5):e2981. doi:10.1002/brb3.2981
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