How to Cope With a Victim Narcissist
Stepp shares an acronym with three key markers of narcissism to help keep it simple: ERA, which stands for empathy, remorse, and accountability. If a person almost never displays any of these three things, it’s highly likely you’re dealing with a narcissist, she says.
There are, however, ways to cope.
1. Learn More About How Narcissism Works
Jambazian recommends educating yourself on narcissistic tactics, such as manipulation, gaslighting, blame-shifting, psychological projection, and guilt-tripping. It also may be wise to think of it as a potential personality disorder that will be hard to change.
“Part of this condition includes a lack of recognition of how behavior affects others,” Shine says. “It also means that behavior may be challenging to change, so it is essential to recognize its effects on you and if you want to continue the relationship.”
2. Set and Stick to Boundaries
Setting boundaries is a healthy and necessary step for you as an individual and for your relationships.
“Be firm about what behavior is unacceptable and prioritize your own well-being,” Jambazian says.
Consistency is important, Shine says, as it may show the other person that you cannot be manipulated.
3. Separate Yourself From Their Words
Try to avoid having the other person’s tactics affect you emotionally and outwardly, Jambazian says.
“Learn to respond to the narcissist versus react,” she says. “Create a mental and emotional buffer to protect yourself.”
For starters, it may help to remember that the other person’s words and actions aren’t personal or on you.
4. Keep a Journal
Writing down what you experience can help you avoid rationalizing the other person’s behavior, Jambazian says.
“A great tool is to write two lists down: One is what the narcissist says to you and the other is what you believe is the actual truth,” she says. “This will help you understand what truly is happening in your relationship with the narcissist.”
5. Get Professional Help
There are numerous treatments for personality disorders, and someone can experience multiple disorders at the same time.
A professional can help diagnose issues at play and suggest treatment. Often, this includes psychotherapy. A doctor may prescribe medications to help treat mental health conditions, though not the narcissism itself, as well as present options for the person living with someone with the condition.
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6. Consider Cutting Contact
Elements of narcissistic personality disorders can cause strain in relationships and even contribute to violence.
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If you feel you are in danger in any way, it’s best to stop engaging with the other person and to call the police if immediate help is needed.
“The last thing you want to do is confront a narcissist, as it could potentially create a dangerous situation, even if there has been no signs of physical abuse,” Stepp says.
You may also want to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling (800) 799-SAFE (7233), texting “START” to 88788, or using the chat function on thehotline.org.
The Takeaway
- Narcissistic victim syndrome is not a formally diagnosed condition, but its traits may appear in people with narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder.
- Understanding its traits, such as blaming others, refusing criticism, and claiming constant victimhood, can help you recognize behavioral patterns.
- Coping strategies can include setting boundaries, getting professional help, and potentially cutting off contact altogether.
- If a situation feels physically or emotionally unsafe, limit contact and seek immediate assistance, if necessary.
