Orgasms rule, no matter whether you’re having them alone or with a partner. Still, there’s something special to be said for the ones that leave you unable to think straight for a full five minutes after, or that you walk around feeling for the next few hours. Or whatever a super-hot orgasm is like for you! Everybody’s different (as is every body).
If you have a vagina and you’re looking to come so hard that it reverberates through the very depths of your spirit, read on for extremely fun methods for increasing your sexual pleasure and ramping up the intensity of many different types of orgasms. (And note that pleasure comes in all different forms, so even if you don’t orgasm—which is totally normal—all of these ideas will still feel great.)
1. Before getting physical, start with the mental.
An often overlooked but extremely powerful sex organ is none other than the brain! So before jumping into any sort of physical stimulation, focus on mental arousal and set the scene. That might look like putting on your favorite sexy music, dimming the lights, or even just taking a few breaths. Because our arousal nerve lives in our parasympathetic nervous system (the part of our brain that is relaxed and calm), being present can be a key element to having an amazing orgasms, Aimee Evnin-Bingham, LMFT, a AASECT-certified sex therapist, tells SELF.
Mindfulness can also help relax your pelvic floor, which can be game-changing for orgasms, Evnin-Bingham adds: “Before sexual activity, lie on your back with knees bent. Place a hand on your belly. Inhale deeply through your nose, feeling your belly rise, and exhale slowly through your mouth, letting your belly fall.” Bringing attention to your breath, body, and mental state can do wonders for opening your pelvic floor and zoning you into pleasure.
2. Spend some time with yourself.
Partnered sex can be wonderful in its own right, but taking time to learn what you like on your own can help you get off the way that feels best to you, whether or not you’re in bed with someone else. Freely exploring yourself during masturbation can also help you unlock new ways you might not have otherwise known you like to be touched.
“Getting to know your own body and the type of pressure and friction that feel good really sets a template for knowing how to arouse yourself and have an orgasm during sex,” Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, a AASECT-certified sex therapist and author of She Comes First, tells SELF. (If you’re looking for fresh ideas to try, SELF has a guide to masturbation techniques for people with vaginas.)
3. Call on the power of your senses—and test out some new ones.
If you’re not sure what gets you going or your existing spank bank feels a little stale, give something new a shot! For instance, if you’re used to watching porn videos, seek out audio erotica for a new twist on an old classic. Once you feel connected to the scenarios that especially turn you on, you can bring them into your masturbation routine, draw on them during hookups, and, as you’re getting down in any capacity, call them to mind to make whatever you’re doing even hotter.
