This episode is a part of Caring for Caregivers, a series supported by the Van Leer Foundation.
The Healing Power of Touch for Caregivers
Article by: Emily Brower
As a veteran pre-K teacher and soon to be mother in Arlington, Virginia, Theresa Alexander spends her days guiding children through meltdowns, friendship disagreements, and the difficult work of learning to regulate their emotions.
On one particularly rough stretch, days of rain kept her class cooped up indoors. Then flooding in another classroom sent six more preschoolers her way. The noise level spiked, sensory-sensitive children unraveled, and nap time, a rare moment of silence for teachers, was anything but peaceful.
By the time she sat down for her break, Alexander felt depleted. Looking for a way to steady her own nervous system, she began experimenting with gentle, intentional touch as a new self-care practice. Eight months pregnant, she would put a hand on her belly during these stressful moments, or give herself a hug, to help soothe her at the end of the day.
While working in one of the most emotionally demanding fields there is, these small acts of self-soothing didn’t just calm her in the moment, they reminded her she deserved care, too.
“In traffic I just rubbed my belly,” Alexander shared on The Science of Happiness podcast. “Like we’re okay. Today’s almost over. We’re almost home. You know, we’ll try again tomorrow.”
What Happens in the Body
Touch is often framed as something shared with others. Especially in caregiving roles where it is used as a bonding tool for caregivers and children. However, new research suggests that self-soothing touch can be a powerful way for adults to regulate stress, build resilience, and reconnect with themselves, especially in high-demand caregiving professions.
When people are in stressful situations, they tend to release cortisol, a hormone commonly associated with stress. However, research shows that self-soothing touch or receiving a hug from others can have a buffering effect.
“If you look at that cortisol hormone, you see that having a hug from someone else, yeah, it regulates your cortisol, it brings you back to baseline more easily, but so does self-soothing touch,” says psychologist Michael Banissy says. “So having that hug to yourself or other forms can have that benefit.”
Banissy runs a lab at University of Bristol that studies how affectionate communication, like a hug or stroking someone’s hair, can positively impact our mental and physical health. He’s also the author of “Touch Matters: Handshakes, Hugs, and the New Science on How Touch Can Enhance Your Well-Being.”
Research shows that people who engage in hugs regularly tend to have lower levels of chronic inflammation, a condition linked to disease and negative health outcomes. And when we offer that same comforting touch to ourselves, it becomes a powerful way to support our nervous system.
Alternatively, when we experience “touch hunger” or extended periods of time without soothing touch, it can lead to a range of negative mental health outcomes, including more loneliness, anxiety, and depression, as well as physical pain and poor sleep quality.
“You might have touch in your life, but are you getting the amount of supportive touch that you really desire?” Banissy says.
Self-Soothing Touch for Caregivers
For caregivers, touch can be essential for reducing stress and remaining fully present in their caregiving.
A study from researcher Aljoscha Dreisoerner found that just 20 seconds of soothing self-touch can lower stress hormones just as much as getting a hug from a stranger.
UC Berkeley researcher Eli Susman developed a micro-practice rooted in this research: you gently place your hands on your stomach or heart, and then for 20 seconds offer yourself warmth and self-compassionate thoughts. Caregivers are often so accustomed to using touch to soothe others—but this practice gently invites them to turn that comfort inward, to receive the care they so often give.
According to Susman, placing a hand on your heart or giving yourself a reassuring hug, may foster greater self-compassion.
“If you have a strong habit of practicing self-compassionate touch, then you might be more likely to practice it and experience self-compassion in your life,” Susman says. “Even when you don’t necessarily feel like doing so, which is often the times when we need it most.”
For parents and caregivers in high stress environments, especially those working with young children, taking the time to focus on your sense of touch can be highly beneficial. To become more comfortable and consistent with practicing self-soothing touch, Susman recommends creating a noticeable cue for yourself that can be incorporated into your daily routine. For example, allotting a designated time to check in with yourself after getting dressed in the morning, while having your daily coffee, or sitting at a stoplight.
“Find a time in your day where you’re not going to feel rushed, where it’s going to be very obvious that now is the time to practice and that you can actually get yourself to do that,” Susman says.
Practicing self-compassion is exactly what Alexander began doing during stressful moments on her commute or chaotic days in the classroom. By gently placing a hand on her belly and taking controlled conscious breaths, she was able to calm her nervous system and remind herself that she was doing okay.
While practicing self-soothing touch might seem like something that must only be done in private, it can come in many forms: placing a hand on your heart during a difficult meeting, giving yourself a quick embrace before entering the classroom, or gently stroking your arm during moments of overwhelm.
“My hope is that one day it won’t be something that people might feel embarrassed about,” Sussman says. “It might just be like, you know, scratching your head or tying your shoes. It’s just something that you do, like brushing your teeth.”
The Power of Massage
In addition to incorporating more self-soothing techniques into her life, Alexander and her partner practiced giving each other massages, which activates the vagus nerve, increases serotonin and elevates oxytocin in the body.
“Since I’m pregnant, he would rub my belly,” Alexander says. “I just had him put his hands under the belly and kinda lift it and rock me back and forth. And that was perfect ’cause it took some of the weight of her off me and then I was like, ‘Oh, okay. I feel safe in this embrace and this is just peaceful.'”
With her first child due soon, Alexander is already imagining how touch will shape her parenting. She grew up in a physically affectionate family and plans to raise her daughter the same way.
“ I think I’m gonna like the skin-to-skin just as much as she does,” Alexander says.
Research shows that mothers who practice skin-to-skin contact with their babies are less likely to experience post-partum depression. Additionally, studies have shown that elderly people experienced greater benefits when they massaged babies compared to when they received massages themselves from other adults.
”If you give affection to somebody else, whether that’s touch, whether that’s sending a supportive message,” Banissy says. “The benefits of that to health and wellbeing are quite often as equivalent as receiving them.”
Although not everyone can rely on others for soothing touch or they aren’t drawn to physical contact, there are other ways to incorporate touch without massages or having to interact with other people.
“Even watching videos of people being given soothing and supportive touch is helpful,” Banissey says. “If you don’t consider yourself a touchy-feely person, you can start small, playing with the beads on a bracelet, noticing the fabric of your clothes.”
Alexander also hopes to keep using soothing touch as her daughter grows, teaching her to hug herself and speak kindly to herself when she’s upset. Even in the teen years, she wants to make sure her child feels physically loved.
”When you become a teenager and your body is changing, that’s when you need that physical assurance more,” Alexander says. “Even though she might pull away, I think one thing I plan on being cognizant of is to still try to give her that physical affection.”
Self-Soothing Touch in Action
The massages from her husband and Alexander’s own micro-practices of self-soothing touch inspired her to take these practices into the classroom.
To help her pre-schoolers with emotional regulation and self-awareness, she had them practice putting their hands on their bellies, taking deep breaths, and thinking happy thoughts.
“They really liked it,” Alexander says. “They took to it so fast and then they also really liked giving a hug to themselves.”
As they practiced the self-hug, Alexander would ask them to say nice things to themselves like, “how can I be a friend to myself?” and “I love myself.”
She found that these small practices helped her students to ground themselves, especially for her students that had more difficult behavioral struggles.
Providing them with the tools they could use even when Alexander isn’t available has allowed them the opportunity to have autonomy over their own emotions and learn how to regulate and respond accordingly to their own meltdowns and frustrations.
“ A lot of times I just give them big squeezes, and just big hugs, and I rub their back,” Alexander says. “Giving them a tool that they can use, especially if I’m not immediately there or my hands are full with lunch. Giving them the power and skillset to be able to help themselves has been fantastic.”
Scroll down for a transcription of this episode.
Description: Research shows that simple practices such as self-hugs, soothing touch, and hand-to-heart can calm the nervous system, supporting caregivers and the children in their care.
Summary: From parents to teachers, caregiving can be overwhelming and exhausting. This episode of The Science of Happiness dives into simple touch-based strategies that promote calm, reduce stress, and foster stronger connections. Researchers share how even brief moments of self-soothing or supportive touch can improve mental and physical health for caregivers and children.
How To Do This Practice:
- Sit or stand comfortably and take a moment to notice your body. Soften your jaw and shoulders. If it feels safe, close your eyes or lower your gaze.
- Place one hand on your belly, both hands over your heart, or give yourself a self-hug— whatever feels most comfortable and natural. Let the weight of your hands feel steady and supportive.
- Take a slow inhale through your nose and a longer exhale through your mouth.
- Silently repeat a kind phrase to yourself, like “How can I be a friend to myself today?” and “It’s okay to make mistakes.”
- Feel the warmth and weight of your hands. On each exhale, invite a little ease into your face, shoulders, belly, and back. Notice any tiny shift toward calm.
- Wrap your arms around your torso and apply comfortable pressure, finishing with a gentle self-hug before returning to your day.
Today’s Guests:
THERESA ALEXANDER is a pre-K teacher based in Arlington, Virginia, with nearly 20 years of teaching experience. She’s also a new mother.
MICHAEL BANISSY is a psychology professor at University of Bristol and the author of “Touch Matters: Handshakes, Hugs, and the New Science on How Touch Can Enhance Your Well-Being.”
Learn more about Michael here: https://www.banissy.com/
Read Michael’s book here: https://tinyurl.com/327e6b9x
Related The Science of Happiness episodes:
Caring for Caregivers Series: https://tinyurl.com/4k2hv47j
How Holding Yourself Can Reduce Stress: https://tinyurl.com/2hvhkwe6
How To Tune Out The Noise: https://tinyurl.com/4hhekjuh
Related Happiness Breaks:
The Healing Power of Your Own Touch: https://tinyurl.com/y4ze59h8
Make Uncertainty Part of the Process: https://tinyurl.com/234u5ds7
Tap into the Joy That Surrounds You: https://tinyurl.com/2pb8ye9x
Additional Resources:
Family Well-Being for the Greater Good: A science-based workbook for people supporting parents: https://tinyurl.com/4vapdx6c
Self-Compassion Meditation for Parents: https://tinyurl.com/mstk2d4e
The Physical and Mental Health Benefits of Touch: https://tinyurl.com/s9jbkzt8
Our Caring for Caregivers series is supported by the Van Leer Foundation, an independent Dutch organization working globally to foster inclusive societies where all children and communities can flourish.
To discover more insights from Van Leer Foundation and others on this topic, visit Early Childhood Matters, the leading platform for advancing topics on early childhood development and connecting diverse voices and ideas across disciplines that support the wellbeing of babies, toddlers and caregivers around the globe.
Tell us about your experience with this practice. Email us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or follow on Instagram @HappinessPod.
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Transcription to come.
