I’m the type of person who apologizes to inanimate objects when I bump into them. I overthink every text. I rehearse how I’ll ask a question in a store, then bail and Google it instead. In short, social anxiety and I are very well acquainted.
And while I’ve gotten better at coping with rejection as I’ve grown up, that background hum of “what if I embarrass myself?” is always playing in the back of my mind.
So, when I came across the concept of rejection therapy—intentionally seeking out situations where people might say no—I felt equal parts horrified and intrigued. Could I actually make myself less afraid of social situations… by leaning into the discomfort?
What Is Rejection Therapy, Exactly?
Rejection Therapy was originally created by Jason Comely, a Canadian entrepreneur. It blew up online thanks to Jia Jiang, whose 100 Days of Rejection challenge led to a TED Talk, a blog, and even a book. Now, it’s become a viral self-help practice.
The premise is simple: you actively seek out rejections, usually once a day, for a set period of time. The idea is to desensitize yourself to the sting of “no.”
That challenge inspired writer and publicist Alice Draper to start My Rejection Story, a podcast where she interviews founders, creatives, and thought leaders about their experiences with rejection. The aim? To demonstrate that even the most successful people have also been rejected.
“The stories we tell ourselves about rejection influence whether these failures fuel our ambition and propel us forward, or stifle our growth and hold us back,” Draper says. Building resilience to this rejection, she says, can make it less scary to put yourself out there.
With Draper’s podcast on repeat in my AirPods, I decided to channel her badassery and take on the challenge for a month.
My Rules for the Month
For this challenge, I set some ground rules:
- Do 2–3 rejection-seeking activities per week (about 10 total)
- Each challenge must involve another person
- Track my emotional responses and lessons
- No self-shaming allowed—only curiosity and compassion
Importantly, I didn’t want to do any challenge that felt rude, disrespectful, or manipulative. This wasn’t about making people uncomfortable—it was about stretching my comfort zone and softening my anxiety around everyday interactions.
My Week-by-Week Rejection Challenges
Here’s a week-by-week breakdown of how it went down.
Week 1: Mildly Mortifying
I kicked things off gently by asking something I already always want to ask: Can I pet your dog?
I did this three times on a walk with my dog. One person said her pup was anxious (relatable), but two dog walkers were thrilled to chat and let me say hi.
Next, I asked someone at the gym if I could borrow their phone charger. They didn’t have one but were really nice about it.
Takeaway
I didn’t actually get rejected that much, which kind of missed the point. But my heart definitely pounded, and I got a few puppy cuddles. Not bad.
Week 2: Upping the Ante
This week, I got bolder. I asked a local bookstore if I could leave a handwritten encouragement note in a random book. They politely declined but said it was a sweet idea. I walked away with flaming cheeks.
Then, I asked a stranger at the gym (again) if they could show me how to use the rowing machine. Not only did they say yes—they seemed excited to help. Apparently, gym people are too nice for this experiment.
I also pitched my freelance services to three big companies. One politely said no, and two didn’t reply. Classic. Since I’m sort of used to professional rejection, this didn’t sting too much.
Takeaway
Awkwardness is survivable. And hey, I got to practice my pitching skills.
Week 3: The Emotional Dip
This week hit harder. I asked a stranger for a high five on a walk (they said no—ouch) and asked a barista at my local coffee shop if they could start stocking decaf (they said no, but nicely).
I also told a cashier it was my birthday, even though it wasn’t. I thought that if she replied awkwardly, it’d count as a sort of rejection, but instead she excitedly wished me a happy birthday. I felt so icky about lying that I wanted to pull my face off.
By the end of the week, I was tired. Emotionally, socially, existentially. Turns out vulnerability hangovers are real.
Takeaway
Rejection doesn’t sting like it used to, but this challenge is draining. I needed a nap—and maybe a hug.
Week 4: The Empowerment Shift
Something shifted. I cold-emailed a professional I admire to ask for coffee. They declined, kindly but firmly.
Then, I asked my roommate if I could borrow five grand. He laughed and said, “Sure. I know where you live.” Determined to get a rejection, I then asked if I could practice driving in his new car. “Hell no,” he replied.
For my last challenge, I thought I’d start where I began: with dogs. I asked the security guards at my local botanical gardens if I could walk their guard dog, a fluffy Belgian Shepherd who always seems more interested in chasing ducks than her official duties. They said they’d have to ask their boss, but probably not.
Takeaway
I got three no’s in a week, and for the first time, I didn’t flinch. I felt… kind of powerful?
Why Does Rejection Hurt So Much?
To find out, I asked Dr. Hannah Holmes, a clinical psychologist based in North Carolina, and Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-C, a therapist based in Los Angeles.
They both agreed that rejection taps into a very primal fear.
“As humans, we are wired to want social connection and to fear rejection from others. This makes sense from an evolutionary perspective—there is safety in numbers, and ostracization from the group can mean danger,” says Holmes.
As humans, we are wired to want social connection and to fear rejection from others.
When we’re rejected, Holmes says, our cortisol levels may spike. “The amygdala—which is the part of the brain that helps us sense danger—will get activated, and that sets off the body’s fight-or-flight response,” Goldberg explains.
So, yes—your fear of asking for help or initiating small talk? It’s not irrational. Your brain thinks you’re protecting yourself from actual harm. This can feel particularly strong for those who have social anxiety or are sensitive to rejection.
With rejection therapy, you challenge the idea that being rejected is a threat to your safety. You put yourself in slightly scary situations—then prove to your brain that you survived. Rinse and repeat.
Does Rejection Therapy Actually Work?
Rejection therapy is, at its core, a DIY version of exposure therapy. You’re intentionally exposing yourself to something anxiety-provoking (being told “no”) in small, manageable doses.
But it’s important to remember that it’s not actual therapy.
“It only really works if it’s consistent. The nervous system needs time and repetition to start feeling safer,” Goldberg explains. “Each time someone goes through a rejection—or even expects one and it doesn’t happen—they’re giving their brain an update: ‘Maybe this isn’t as threatening as I thought.’”
Over time, this helps rewire how we deal with rejection. Instead of seeing it as a threat to our self-worth, we start seeing it as just another outcome.
“Challenging yourself to face rejection is a great way to tackle mild social anxiety,” Holmes says. “It can be incredibly scary, but you can build resilience to rejection and disapproval and feel more comfortable in your own skin.”
In some situations, though, it makes more sense to reach out to a professional, Holmes says. Research shows that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is currently the best treatment available for social anxiety.
Rejection Therapy Challenge Ideas
If you’re thinking about trying rejection therapy, start small and track your emotional reactions. My advice is to use humor. If you can laugh at yourself, you’re already winning.
Need ideas? Here are a few prompts, ranging from quirky to mundane:
- Try to return something outside the return window
- Ask a coffee shop to name a drink after you
- Apply for your dream job, even if you’re underqualified
- Ask a stranger at the gym if they’d like to work out with you
- Request to shadow someone at their job
- Call your insurance company and ask them to decrease your premium
- Offer a made-up service to a business
- Ask to make an announcement in a store
- Offer a stranger a compliment and ask for a selfie
- Walk into a fancy hotel and ask to use their bathroom
“Rejection prompts the rebellious parts of our brain to prove ourselves,” Draper says.
Rebel against those self-imposed rules—don’t look silly in public, don’t look arrogant when applying for work, don’t be vulnerable in front of strangers—especially if they hold you back from living your life.
Is Rejection Therapy Worth Doing?
I’m not gonna lie—I found this challenge exhausting, and it didn’t “cure” my social anxiety.
I was a little disappointed that, for all my efforts, I still feel social anxiety so deeply. But Goldberg offered me some words of wisdom that really stuck with me:
“Trying to make the anxiety disappear completely isn’t always the right goal. It’s more about changing how you respond to it,” she says. “You can feel anxious and still go to the event. You can get rejected and still be OK.”
“Sometimes, progress can just mean having more of a pull toward things you used to avoid,” she explains. “Maybe you recover quicker, or you don’t need as much time to prepare beforehand.”
“You might notice you don’t spiral afterward. There is less overthinking, fewer ‘what if I sounded weird’ thoughts. And that black-and-white thinking might soften,” Goldberg says.
While this challenge was tough, it was a great reminder that rejection doesn’t mean I’m unworthy. It just means I asked. I tried. I showed up.
