Key Takeaways
- Asexuality is a recognized sexual orientation within the LGBTQ+ community.
- Understanding whether you might be asexual involves recognizing your feelings, including how they might change over time.
- Identities like demisexual and graysexual fall under the asexuality spectrum and reflect varied experiences.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation where a person experiences little to no sexual attraction to others. While some asexual people may have no interest in sex, others might still engage in sexual activity for various reasons, including self-pleasure, curiosity, or connection. Asexuality exists on a spectrum, so each person’s experiences can look different.
It’s important to note that asexuality is not considered the same as abstaining from sex for religious or philosophical reasons. People who are celibate may still experience sexual attraction and desire, but not act on them. Asexuality refers to a lack of sexual attraction itself.
Signs You May Be Asexual
To help you determine whether or not you might be asexual, consider whether you’ve experienced any of the following:
- You can see that others are conventionally attractive, but you rarely (if ever) experience a sexual attraction toward them.
- You have little to no desire to engage in sexual encounters with others, including your romantic partner.
- You have little to no desire to masturbate.
- You engage in sexual intimacy, but you do not enjoy it.
- You engage in sexual intimacy, but you rarely initiate it.
- You rarely think about sex.
- You do not find sexual intimacy—or even the thought of it—rewarding, exciting, interesting, or important.
- You have a difficult time identifying with other sexual orientations, including heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, and pansexuality.
- You have little to no desire even to be involved in a romantic relationship (aromantic).
- You’ve felt a combination of any of the above for an ongoing period of time, perhaps since adolescence.
Sometimes a person’s asexuality isn’t immediately obvious to themselves. This is partially because it isn’t as widely discussed as heterosexuality or homosexuality, and so there is a lack of understanding around the topic. Some don’t even realize that asexuality exists as a sexual orientation.
Further, in the same way it might take someone time to recognize that they are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer, a person may require careful introspection before recognizing their own asexuality.
As mentioned above, every asexual person is different. It’s helpful to think of asexuality as a spectrum, and to consider whether you fall anywhere on that spectrum versus fitting into an exact definition.
Is Asexuality Considered a Choice?
There are two primary philosophies in regard to asexuality. The first is that it is a sexual orientation in the same way heterosexuality and homosexuality are orientations. The LGBTQ+ community recognizes asexuality as its own orientation.
The second philosophy is that someone who identifies as asexual is experiencing a physiological abnormality, such as low libido levels or hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD).
Ultimately, there is much we don’t know about what causes someone to have an asexual orientation, and it is always best practice to respect anyone’s sexual identity.
Demisexual and Graysexual
The terms demisexual and asexual are often conflated. While tangentially related, the two orientations are actually very different from one another. Someone who is demisexual does experience sexual desire toward others and enjoy sexual intimacy, but only after a strong emotional bond has been established.
Demisexuality technically falls on the asexual spectrum, along with graysexuality which is characterized as someone who does experience sexual desire and attraction, but infrequently and/or with low intensity.
Asexuality Vs. Temporary Lack of Libido
One of the key differences between asexuality and a general lack of libido (also referred to as a low sex drive) is how long the feelings last with either. Many who identify as asexual have felt the way they do for a long period of time, sometimes as early as their adolescence.
A libido drop later in life is often not the same as being of an asexual orientation. Common causes of low libido include mental health distress such as anxiety, stress, and depression, certain medications and supplements, underlying illness, steroid use, and hormonal changes and imbalances.
For example, women in menopause often notice a decrease in their sexual desire due to a strong hormonal shift. If you suspect any of the aforementioned might be causing a low sex drive, it’s best to consult a general or specialized medical doctor.
In some cases, a low sex drive might also be the result of trauma, including sexual abuse, physical abuse, rape, attempted rape, sex shaming, and other negative sexual experiences. This is something to speak about with a therapist or other mental health care professional, who can help you heal from past traumas.
How to Explain Your Asexuality
We want to be clear here: You do not owe an explanation of your sexual orientation to anyone. That said, there are times when you might feel compelled to talk to someone about your sexuality.
For example, you may feel you want to discuss your sexual orientation in a romantic partnership, with your closest friends, or with family members. If you desire to explain your asexuality to someone, the best approach is forthright honesty, especially since many aren’t very familiar with the term.
Explain exactly what you feel and don’t feel. If you’re speaking with a romantic partner, be clear about how this might impact your sexual relationship.
Resources for Understanding Asexuality
Having a better understanding of your own sexual orientation, and even putting a soft label on it, can perhaps put you on a path of better understanding yourself.
This might lead to increased self-esteem and generally more clarity in who you are and how you navigate life and relationships. In some cases, a lack of sexual desire is the result of low libido or past traumas, and it is worth exploring those paths if you think either might be affecting your sexual desire and attraction.
If you’d like to continue learning more about asexuality, we recommend checking out the following books:
- Understanding Asexuality
- The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality
- Let’s Talk About Love
In addition, there are plenty of online resources available where asexual-identifying individuals can find others who may be having similar experiences. It is worth a Google search to find such organizations, as well as searching for networks in your area that may be able to connect you with other asexual-identifying people.
Remember, you are not alone in your experiences and your feelings.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Brotto LA, Yule MA, Gorzalka BB. Asexuality: An extreme variant of Sexual Desire Disorder?. The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 2015;12(3):646-660. doi:10.1111/jsm.12806
Malary M, Khani S, Pourasghar M, Moosazadeh M, Hamzehgardeshi Z. Biopsychosocial determinants of hypoactive sexual desire in women: A narrative review. Mater Sociomed. 2015;27(6):383-389. doi:10.5455/msm.2015.27.383-389
Yehuda R, Lehrner A m. y., Rosenbaum TY. PTSD and sexual dysfunction in men and women. The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 2015;12(5):1107-1119. doi:10.1111/jsm.12856
Thanks for your feedback!
What is your feedback?
Helpful
Report an Error
Other
