Healing from a breakup isn’t a linear process—and neither is figuring out the signs you’ve moved on from your ex…and are ready to start dating again.
As anyone who’s been heartbroken knows, it’s tempting to jump straight into a rebound. “One of the hardest parts about moving on from any serious relationship is losing your primary source of attachment,” Rachel Zar, PhD, LMFT, AASECT-certified sex therapist at Avid Intimacy in Chicago, tells SELF. So it makes sense that you’d pursue a few flirty Hinge matches seeking boosts of external validation to replace the closeness you lost. However, dating before you’re emotionally ready rarely pans out, Dr. Zar says: Not only can it hold you back from connecting with someone new, but it can also prolong your breakup recovery.
What’s tricky is knowing when you’re healed enough to try again, especially when feelings of nostalgia, sadness, and love may still linger. So how do you know when to put yourself back out there? Here are a few signs you’ve moved on from your ex, according to relationship experts.
1. You don’t secretly hope they’ll come back.
It’s normal to miss the person you spent so much time with. “But right after a breakup, we often romanticize the relationship,” Radisha Brown, LCSW, owner of iThrive Therapy in Augusta, Georgia, and author of Girl Let Him Go: How to Heal from a Painful Breakup to Love Again, tells SELF. This explains why so many freshly single folks may start swiping—not to find someone new, but to kill time until their ex slides back into the picture.
“You might always feel that pain or love, but what I advise is looking for a sense of acceptance that this person isn’t for you and that the relationship has run its course,” Dr. Zar adds—meaning, you’ve stopped waiting for a reunion that may never happen.
2. You’re excited, not full of dread, about meeting new people.
Flirting to fill a void or following the classic “getting over someone by getting under someone” playbook will usually leave you feeling lonelier, emptier, and regretful.
So a good sign of progress is when you agree to be set up because you want to, not because you feel you have to. Maybe you want to explore what’s out there (including what was missing from your last relationship). Or you’re actually enjoying getting ready for first dates, from the playlist in the shower to the outfit that makes you feel most like your confident self.
3. You stop comparing them to everyone else.
It’s completely natural to feel let down when a new match doesn’t instantly give you the same spark your ex once did. Because of this, many freshly dumped singles will compare every detail—from their humor to texting style—or only swipe right on people who resemble they-who-shall-not-be-named.
The thing is, it’s important to meet new people without holding them up against the person who came before—which is why Dr. Zar recommends asking yourself: Can you appreciate this new person, even if they’re nothing like your ex? Are you open to a connection that might not look like what you’re used to, but may end up feeling way better? If so, you’re probably ready to bond with someone for who they are—and not who they remind you of.
4. You’re no longer so triggered by every little reminder.
Walking by your go-to date-night spot or catching a whiff of your ex’s cologne might still sting, but those sneaky triggers don’t wreck your day like they used to.
