When we were first diagnosed with colon cancer—Sarah at 34 with Stage IV, and Brooks at 38 with Stage III—it felt like the floor dropped out from under us.
No one tells you how to process the shock, the fear, the disorientation after you hear the pivotal words “you’ve got cancer.” Even though both of us had been searching for answers to our symptoms: persistent blood in our stool and feelings of exhaustion, neither of us was really prepared for the final diagnosis.
We both spiraled in our own ways, and we both eventually found paths out.
This is what those spirals looked like—and how we moved through them.
Panic vs. Emotional Numbness
Here’s how we both remember the first days post-life-changing diagnosis:
Sarah Berand: I was definitely panicking at first. I had so many questions. I wanted to know if I was going to have an ileostomy bag, which I did later get and have for five months. I wanted to know what the surgeries and chemo would be like, and how my body would react.
And in the beginning, I was a little ashamed just because it was colon cancer. I was a young woman at the time. And I thought, of all the cancers, really? Colon cancer? Ass cancer? I know that no cancer is good, but it just felt like a whole other unnecessary level.
Brooks Bell: I remember I barely cried. Not openly. The night after my diagnosis, I got up at 2 a.m. to walk my dog, and I let some tears silently fall. But it wasn’t a sobbing “release” kind of thing. And it was in secret in the middle of the night, so I think there was some shame involved. It was almost like I would not let myself feel, which is interesting, because I was feeling so much.
It was almost like I would not let myself feel, which is interesting, because I was feeling so much.
Dr. Fola May, a gastroenterologist, colon cancer researcher, and associate professor of medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles, confirms that all of these reactions are perfectly normal. “No one can anticipate what it’s like to receive a life-changing diagnosis like cancer,” says May. “I have seen patients take in that reality in so many ways and in so many timeframes. It’s so critical for friends, loved ones, and co-workers to understand that it’s not always linear or what you expect.”
Diving In/Shutting It Out
We both coped with our stress differently. There’s no “right” way to do it, of course, and we each did what felt safest to us:
BB: I believe that “knowledge quells anxiety.” If you know what you’re dealing with, suddenly it doesn’t seem so scary. So pretty quickly, I dove into stats and medical studies, and it was massively important in managing my anxiety. It’s nerdy, but I find data so powerful. I need to demystify the topic, to know all my options, best-case and worst-case scenarios. That’s how I slay the dragon of fear. For me, being able to plan ahead is what helped me get out of the spiral.
I have seen patients take in that reality in so many ways and in so many timeframes.
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FOLASADE (FOLA) MAY, MD, PHD, MPHIL
SB: And I didn’t go there at all. In the beginning, I made the mistake of Googling before it was clear that was not going to serve me. I really relied on my family, trusting them to help make decisions and tell me what I should be doing. We called my mom the “Googlemeister” because she would Google everything. But I told her: don’t tell me anything unless it’s good news, please!
“It is common and understandable to experience heightened anxiety after a cancer diagnosis, and these early days can feel disorienting,” says Justin Yopp, PhD, clinical psychologist and program director of the UNC Lineberger Comprehensive Cancer Support Program.
“When managing anxiety and uncertainty about the future, different coping strategies work for different people. In my experience, I see patients thrive when they adopt a realistically hopeful outlook based on discussions with their treatment team and realize that they have lived their whole lives without being able to predict the future, and they can do that now as well.”
Discovering New Wells of Strength
Once we had gotten past our initial reactions, we both found different sources of power that helped us get through our surgery and chemotherapy treatments.
SB: After I got through the first shock and denial, I found strength I didn’t know I had, and I started ‘fighting’ this disease. I knew I had to fight for my husband, Brian, and for my kids, so every time I felt like giving up, they gave me strength. I didn’t want them to go through this or see me going through this, and I wanted to come out on the other end stronger. I wanted to show them that you can do hard things with grace.
BB: I went into full ‘CEO mode’, which is where I was very much at home as I’d been running my own company for over a decade. I solve big problems all the time. I made a communications plan. I planned out my treatment schedule. And doing all that helped me feel more in control.
Turning Points
There are so many levels to processing a journey like ours, but we both remember moments that made us feel like everything was going to be ok.
BB: I remember my surgeon said something to me using the “cart before the horse” analogy. She told me my cart was about a mile in front of my horse, and I needed to let the horse catch up. She was telling me to take things a day at a time, that we can’t look so far into the future, that some things are unknowable, and this will have to unfold in its own time. So that helped my “I need all possible outcomes now” spiraling.
But also, one day while I was waiting on my oncologist, I asked the physician’s assistant something that I had been too afraid to ask the doctor: “Am I going to die of this?” And she said, “No. No, you’re not.” And I remember thinking: that was the only [answer] that mattered. The fact that she said “no” was all I needed to hear.
The fact that she said “no” was all I needed to hear.
Sarah: It’s similar for me, only I was lying in bed, and I asked Brian the same question. I had been holding it in, thinking it, but I hadn’t spoken it: Am I gonna die? I think it was around 3 a.m. and I woke him up. I don’t even remember exactly what he said, but he was so confident, he told me we were gonna get through this, he made me feel so good. And I think at that moment I decided, yeah, we’re going to. I’m not gonna die! And I was so focused on beating it for my family, for him. Their happiness remained my priority.
Dr. May can attest to the power of keeping a positive outlook. “The will to survive is an aspect of the cancer treatment plan none of us doctors understand, but one that we all recognize,” says May. “Patients who are able to keep that positive light and believe that they can beat their diagnosis often do better.”
Stronger on the Other Side
We didn’t meet until we were both cancer-free. Sarah read Brooks’ cancer story on Today.com and reached out to her because it felt like both of us wanted to take our experiences and harness them to make something good.
And sure enough, in December of 2024, Worldclass* was born, our fashion brand that promotes awareness of how common colon cancer has become for people under 50—it kills more people than breast or prostate cancer each year—and how preventable it is with a colonoscopy.
Creating the brand and watching it grow has been an important step in both our journeys: We’re now spokeswomen for a medical procedure and a disease that no one really wants to talk about, but we know that talking about colon cancer—even the messy parts—has the potential to save lives.
We’re both proud of what we’ve lived through and want to encourage anyone else who’s going through cancer right now: It’s hard to know what’s going to happen, but there is a chance for a lot of positivity to come out of this extremely challenging, difficult period. It will change your life permanently, and we hope very much that it changes for the better.
*All of Worldclass’s net profits are donated to the Worldclass Foundation, which helps underinsured communities get the colonoscopy care they need to remove pre-cancerous polyps.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
American Cancer Society. Key Statistics for Colorectal Cancer.
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