Anyone who’s ever felt trapped in their own head knows the advice to “just stop overthinking” is easy to give but almost impossible to follow. No amount of willpower or motivational self-talk can quiet a mind that automatically runs through every worst-case scenario. But real progress doesn’t start with silencing those racing thoughts; it starts with understanding what overthinking actually is.
Despite what you might assume, chronic worrying isn’t a fixed trait, or even proof that you’re inherently anxious and insecure. A more helpful way to look at it is as an unhelpful coping strategy your brain has picked up—and one you can slowly retrain. “Overthinking feels like problem-solving,” Geoffrey Gold, PhD, a psychologist at Therapists of New York, tells SELF. Dissecting what went wrong in your last relationship or replaying a job interview after the fact can seem productive. “It’s the idea of, If I keep analyzing, I don’t have to sit with sadness,” Dr. Gold says. Realistically, though, “many situations can’t be solved with more thought”—and the people who seem the calmest tend to be those who can accept that.
So how do you break free from the relentless voice in your head? Here are a few go-to techniques from therapists.
1. Contain your spiral.
“Trying not to think about it” rarely works. A more efficient goal is to limit how long you ruminate. “Give yourself 10 minutes to write whatever you’re worried about,” Krista Norris, LMFT, founder of Conscious Connection Therapy Services in McKinney, Texas, tells SELF—whether it’s choosing the “wrong” career path or not saving “enough” money. “Set a timer, then physically close your notes app or notebook.” As Norris explains, “the psyche spirals when it feels unheard, so containment signals safety without letting your thoughts run unchecked.”
2. Separate facts from stories.
“They haven’t texted back” is a fact. “They’re mad at me” is a story—and when you’re overthinking, Dr. Gold says, it’s hard to tell the difference.
“Slow it down and ask: What do I actually know? And what am I assuming?” he suggests. That brief pause interrupts the spiral and forces your brain to return to logic: A “Let’s revisit this” email from your boss doesn’t mean they believe you’re incompetent—it just means you’ll talk again later. Someone viewing your Instagram story without replying doesn’t signal disinterest—all you know is that they watched it. When you’re calm, these explanations probably sound obvious, but they’re useful reality checks during the heat of an anxious moment.
3. Replace “what if?” with “what’s next?”
When you’re spiraling, you want certainty. You want reassurance. You want your mental gymnastics to guarantee you’ve done everything you could. But because you can’t predict or control most outcomes in life, questions like “What if this goes wrong?” are ultimately useless. That’s why Norris recommends a slight reframe: “What’s the smallest, useful step I can take right now?”
