4. Use an ‘I’ Statement
You don’t have to express anger only in private. A productive, respectful conversation with someone who has made you angry can go a long way in improving your relationship with this person and with your anger.
Hale suggests approaching these conversations — say, with a loved one during a disagreement — by using what’s called an “I” statement, meaning you start by explaining how you, specifically, feel.
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For example, instead of saying, “You showed up late and it’s all your fault,” you might instead say something like, “I feel angry when you show up late,” Hale says. “Just that slight difference in how it’s communicated can really deescalate conversations,” he says.
This type of direct, assertive communication is effective when you’re angry, compared with aggressive, passive-aggressive, or passive forms of communication, Kamis-Brinda says.
“It involves taking responsibility for your feelings, not blaming another person for how you feel, and saying what you want or need,” she explains.
After explaining how you feel using an “I” statement, you might also add something like, “In the future, I would like for you to do this instead,” she says. This may help prevent conversations surrounding anger from becoming hostile.
5. Consider Professional Support
If the outlets above don’t help you feel in control of your anger, or if you feel like you get extremely angry very quickly and over minor triggers, it’s worth speaking with a mental health professional, Hale says.
In fact, whenever anger is getting in the way of things that are important to you, whether that’s romantic relationships, work opportunities, relationships with family and friends, or any other disruption, it’s worth reaching out for support, Kamis-Brinda says.
Many different types of professionals can help. Therapy options for anger might include anger management counseling, cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, and acceptance and commitment therapy, she says. Various forms of therapy have been shown to reduce feelings of anger and aggression and improve self-esteem in people looking for help expressing anger, according to one systematic review of 46 articles.
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A professional can help you understand why you feel angry and identify environmental factors that you might be able to change to reduce your anger, as well as other strategies for letting some of your anger go, Hale adds.
The Takeaway
- Anger can be a normal, appropriate emotion, but letting it get the best of you can result in hurting yourself or others.
- Instead, try healthier, more constructive ways to express anger, such as exercise, journaling, and singing or dancing.
- A mental health professional can provide additional support if these methods don’t help you express your anger or if anger is disruptive to your daily life.
