Key Takeaways
- Drinking alone can be okay if it helps you relax and isn’t used to escape problems.
- Talking to a mental health professional can help if your partner’s drinking worries you.
- Drinking alone can sometimes lead to risky behavior, like driving after drinking.
A second glass of wine after dinner, a nightcap before bed, a beer at the end of the day, and a few trips to the bar before making it home. Your partner drinks, but they’ve never drunk like this before, and certainly not alone either. Naturally, you’re worried. But, are there grounds to be concerned?
We’ve all heard that drinking alone can be a red flag for alcohol addiction. But it’s not always that simple.
Noah Kass, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist
Many people believe drinking alone is a sign of an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, but it’s not that simple. You can certainly experience drinking alone in a healthy way, such as unwinding after a long day, eating dinner, or watching a show.
— Noah Kass, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist
Addiction counselor Michael Villarreal, CADC, echoes this. “While drinking by yourself can raise concerns, it’s not always a sign of alcohol addiction or a bad relationship with alcohol,” he notes.
So, if your partner is enjoying a drink alone, it doesn’t automatically mean they have a drinking problem. But it’s definitely worth paying attention to, especially if there are signs that their relationship with alcohol might be heading down a more problematic path.
Drinking alone isn’t a sure sign that your partner has an alcohol use disorder. But if they’re drinking to cope with stress or numb emotions, it’s a good idea to have a frank and supportive conversation about it.
If you’re concerned about your partner’s drinking, you might both benefit from speaking with a mental health professional—such as a couple’s therapist or an addiction counselor.
Is Drinking Alone Normal?
Here’s the deal: just because someone drinks alone doesn’t mean they have an alcohol use disorder, but people with alcohol issues might be more likely to drink alone. Think of it like this—drinking solo can be a symptom of a larger problem, but it’s not a guaranteed indicator.
Research backs this up. A large review of studies showed that, while solitary drinking can be linked to problematic drinking, it’s not always a direct cause.
A smaller survey found that solitary drinkers solely are more likely to drink alcohol for unhealthy reasons like coping with stress or tension. Meanwhile, social drinkers might sip on a cocktail to celebrate or have a good time.
Another review focused on teens and young adults reported that solitary drinking was associated with heavier drinking, alcohol problems, and using alcohol as a coping mechanism.
Solo Drinking Isn’t Always a Problem
But again, this doesn’t mean everyone who drinks alone has a problem. In many cultures, solo drinking—like having wine with dinner—is completely common and not necessarily unhealthy.
On the flip side, it’s important to remember that someone can have a social drinking routine and still drink in unhealthy ways—for example, binge drinking or relying on alcohol to ease social anxiety.
“Healthy drinking alone typically involves moderation and enjoyment,” says Kass. “It’s usually about relaxation or fun, not distraction or emotional escape.”
Are There Any Benefits to Drinking Alone?
Drinking alone isn’t always a red flag! There are many reasons why someone might prefer it. Maybe your partner is a craft beer enthusiast, or they really appreciate a good cocktail. Perhaps, they like drinking an occasional wine glass because it makes them feel better.
For some, drinking in social settings feels tiring or anxiety-inducing. They might just not feel comfortable drinking in front of others, and that’s okay! Sometimes, it’s about personal preference.
“Drinking can be a part of a healthy lifestyle if it is done in moderation and is not used as an escape from issues or emotions,” Villarreal says.
That said, drinking alone can become a concern if it’s being used as an escape from stress, loneliness, or emotional pain.
Risks and Concerns of Drinking Alone
Even if your partner’s drinking habits seem normal, there are still some practical risks to keep in mind when someone drinks alone:
- Driving under the influence: Without a designated driver, solo drinkers might be tempted to drive after a few drinks.
- Impaired judgment: While drinking alone doesn’t guarantee you’ll make bad decisions, you’re more likely to make choices that might not seem so smart the next morning—like sending that angry late-night text to your ex or oversharing on social media.
- Physical injury: If you’ve ever gotten a little clumsy after a few drinks, you know that having others around can be helpful to avoid trips, falls, or worse.
- Alcohol poisoning: Drinking too much without someone nearby to step in can be dangerous—there’s no one to spot the signs of alcohol poisoning or call for help.
- Feeling isolated: While some people enjoy a drink alone, over time, solitary drinking can lead to feelings of loneliness or isolation.
If your partner regularly drinks alone, keep the lines of communication open. Staying judgment-free will make it easier for them to reach out—whether they need a ride home or just some support.
Signs of Problematic Drinking Alone
So, how do you know if your partner’s solo drinking is something to be concerned about? According to Kass and Villarreal, you might want to step in if:
- Their health, job, or relationships are suffering because of their drinking
- They can’t cut down or stop drinking, even if they want to
- They drink to the point of blacking out or having memory loss
- They experience withdrawal symptoms (like anxiety or irritability) when not drinking
- They need more alcohol to feel the same effects
- They get defensive or feel guilty when you bring up their drinking
- They drink to numb emotions or cope with stress
- They are anxiously waiting or looking forward to drinking
It can be tricky to tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy drinking. Often, it comes down to why your partner is drinking and the impact it has on their life, Villarreal says. Are they drinking to enjoy themselves, or are they trying to escape something?
Tip: That said, it’s not always easy to tell why your partner drinks alone. For this reason, it’s a good idea to have an open, honest conversation with them, rather than making assumptions.
How to Talk to Your Partner About Drinking Responsibly
Talking to your partner about their drinking can feel awkward, but it doesn’t have to be. The key is approaching the conversation with empathy and curiosity rather than judgment. No one wants to feel blamed or cornered.
Kass recommends starting the conversation with curiosity and empathy and asking about their drinking in a nonjudgmental way. “You want your partner to feel comfortable expressing their true feelings, rather than just telling you what they think you want to hear,” Kass advises.
Try asking open-ended questions like:
- I usually prefer drinking with friends—do you enjoy it more when you’re on your own?
- How do you feel when you drink alone?
- What does drinking do for you in those moments?
- Do you think alcohol helps you manage your emotions? Which ones?
Questions like these open up the conversation without bringing in judgment and can possibly lead to a deeper understanding of how your partner views alcohol.
Remember, alcohol can sometimes act as a crutch, masking deeper challenges that need attention. If you’re feeling stuck, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist or counselor. And if your partner is open to it, professional help can be a game-changer.
Seeking Help and Support
If you’re concerned about your partner’s drinking, know that you’re not navigating this alone. It’s totally okay to feel unsure or overwhelmed, but there’s help out there—both for you and your partner. Reaching out for support is a strong and positive step, whether you’re looking to help someone you love or you’re trying to understand your own feelings about their drinking.
If you’re looking for resources to help your partner—or even yourself—here are a few great places to start:
- The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Helpline (SAMHSA): This free helpline connects you with local resources like support groups and counseling services. It’s available 24/7, so whether you need advice at 3 p.m. or 3 a.m., they’ve got you covered. Call 1-800-662-4357 or visit their website.
- FindTreatment: This tool, created by SAMHSA, can help you find local treatment for mental health and substance use disorders in your area.
- Alcoholics Anonymous (AA): If your partner is open to it, AA offers both online and in-person support groups across the country. It’s all about community, sharing, and helping each other navigate life without alcohol. You can find a group that fits your partner’s needs on their website.
- Al-Anon: Al-Anon is a support group for people who have been affected by a loved one’s drinking. If your partner’s drinking is affecting you, it might be a good idea to join an Al-Anon meeting.
- SMART Recovery: This online recovery program gives people practical tools and techniques to help manage cravings and navigate life sober. It’s a 24/7 support system, with forums and chats that are available whenever you need them. Think of it as an empowering place to connect and find guidance.
- Sober Grid: Sober Grid is an app that connects you with others in your local area who are also on their sober journey. It’s a great way to build a support system and meet people who really get what your partner’s going through.
For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.
Your Partner’s Substance Abuse Hurts You, Too
As you’re supporting your partner, remember to take care of yourself, too. It’s okay to feel frustrated, confused, or even helpless sometimes, but having these resources—and maybe even reaching out for your own therapy or support—can help you navigate the situation with compassion and understanding.
Opening up the conversation with your partner might feel tough at first, but knowing there are professionals and support networks to back you both up can make all the difference.
And in the end, that’s what it’s all about: finding the help you need, so neither of you has to go through this alone.
