Key Takeaways
- Most people want conversations to end sooner, so try to exit when the topic is neutral.
- Use verbal and body language cues to tell if someone wants to end a conversation.
- The “SAT” (Sandwich-And-Thank) method helps end conversations politely.
We’ve all been there. You’re talking to someone, and maybe the conversation was great! Or maybe you were just being polite for most of it…either way, it’s losing steam, and you want to leave before the awkwardness reaches a point where you’re considering faking a phone call to yourself.
Frustratingly, you just can’t find the right words to smoothly exit the conversation without embarrassing yourself. Or maybe the other person is still going strong, but your mind left the chat, like, five minutes ago. You don’t want to come across as rude or uninterested, though. So what do you do?
Ending a conversation can sometimes feel as daunting as starting one. Fortunately, there are ways to go about it that not only get the job done but also make the other person feel heard and valued.
When Should I End a Conversation?
Research shows that most people want conversations to end sooner than they actually do, whether they are talking to a stranger or a loved one. [¹]
To avoid dragging out a dying conversation, aim to wrap it up a little after it peaks and before it hits the “lull” stage. This is your neutral zone, which is the easiest point to exit gracefully.
“The most empathetic approach is to end a conversation when the content is neutral,” says Renée Zavislak, a California-based integrative therapist.
For example, you might end the conversation after a brief chat about weekend plans, local news, a team project, or a shared hobby.
The most empathetic approach is to end a conversation when the content is neutral.
—
RENÉE ZAVISLAK, LMFT
If you’re not comfortable getting too personal with someone, exiting in the neutral zone can also help you leave before the conversation becomes intense or emotionally charged.
If you miss your chance and find yourself in a conversation where someone has brought big feelings into the mix, you can still end the conversation, but it may require more nuance, says Zavislak.
For instance, you could say: “I appreciate you sharing this with me. It’s clear that this is a heavy topic. Would you like to talk about something else for a bit? I’m here for you.”
Signs It’s Time To Wrap Up
Besides timing, paying attention to direct and indirect signals can also be helpful. Telltale signs you should finish up a conversation include:
Verbal cues: If you find yourself repeating points or having a one-sided conversation with monosyllabic responses from the other person, it’s probably best to exit the conversation. You can gracefully navigate such situations by keeping the tone positive and gently acknowledging that it’s okay to end the conversation. For instance, you might say:
- It was great meeting you! I should let you get back to your day now. See you around.
- It was great catching up with you, but I’ll let you get back to it. Talk later.
Body language: Paying attention to physical cues can also clue you into whether a person is engaged in the conversation or not. For example, if they are looking away, checking their watch, stepping back, or turning away, these are all indicators that they likely want to leave. You can politely excuse yourself in this case by saying:
- It was nice chatting with you. I should get going now. See you later!
Time constraints: Be mindful of time, especially if you or your conversation partner has another commitment or appointment to make or if it’s getting late. You can politely acknowledge it in your exit line and part ways. For example:
- I’ve really enjoyed this chat, but I‘ve got to run some errands. Let’s catch up later?
- I know you’ve got a lot on your plate, so I’ll let you get back to it. We’ll pick this up later.
How to Make it Less Awkward
When we conclude a conversation, we are essentially drawing a line around our time, energy, and priorities. It’s a very direct and deliberate form of asserting personal limits.
“Unfortunately, few of us feel comfortable setting boundaries without an excuse or reason, and consequently, few expect to hear a boundary without an excuse or reason. All of this makes for a lot of awkward social steering,” notes Zavislak.
In addition, societal conditioning to be agreeable, engaging, and responsive to people also contributes to the unspoken tension and unease. This is particularly true for women, says Gabrielle Morse, LMHC.
For people pleasers, wrapping up conversations can be even more challenging because they’ve prioritized others’ needs for so long, their own needs feel secondary or unimportant. “They may also be used to managing others’ emotional experiences. So when they begin to challenge their behaviors, it can feel anxiety-provoking,” Morse explains.
To navigate these moments more gracefully, Zavislak suggests using a three-step approach, which she calls the “SAT” (Sandwich-And-Thank) method:
Sandwich
The goal is to “sandwich” your exit line between a compliment and a thank you. So, come up with your compliment slice first and keep it brief. For example, “I’m so glad we met,” “It has been such a pleasure chatting with you,” or “You are lovely to talk to!” Make sure you don’t commit to more conversation in your compliment as you try to end it, Zavislak adds. So, avoid saying something like, “You have such a positive energy! I would love to know what inspires you?”
And
Use the word “and” instead of “but” between your compliment layer and your thank layer to introduce your exit. Here are some examples: “I’m so glad we met, and I need to check in with my friend.” Or, “It’s been such a pleasure chatting with you, and I need to make a call.” While “but” might sometimes convey a slightly negative or contrasting tone, choosing “and” can help end the conversation on a positive note. “That one word makes a huge difference,” says Zavislak.
Thank
This is your exit line. Thank the other person for their information, politeness, help, or time. “By ending this way, you take the burn out of what could otherwise feel like a rejection,” says Zavislak.
Put it all together, and you have your polite goodbye. “I’m so glad we met and I need to check in with my friend. Thanks for the book recommendations! Have a great night.” Or, “It’s been such a pleasure chatting with you, and I need to make a call. Thanks for the card. Let’s keep in touch!”
You can also accompany this with non-verbal cues like standing up, extending your hand for a handshake, slowing down your pace, walking towards the door, or giving a polite, close-lipped smile to signal your intent to end the conversation.
How to End a Casual Conversation
Whether you’re wrapping up a conversation with your friend, family member, or an acquaintance, the goal is to be direct while being gracious and appreciative. If you’re engaging with someone talkative, setting a clear time boundary can help you navigate a smooth exit. Here are a few examples:
In-person
- “It’s been great catching up, but I must get going. Do send me pictures from your trip!”
- “I so appreciate our talk, but I’ve got to leave for my next appointment. Let’s do this again soon!”
- “I had such a wonderful time! Thank you for having me over. Good night!”
- “This was so nice. Thanks for stopping by. Tell Aunt Josie I said hi!”
- “I’m so glad we had this talk, but my social battery is running low, so I’m going to head out. See you later!”
With Someone You Just Met
- “I have to step away now, but I’m so glad Zia introduced us! I’ll see you around, I’m sure.”
- “I’ve got to run, but it was lovely meeting you. Have a good day!”
- “It was a pleasure talking to you, and I should get going now. It’s getting late. Good night!”
- “Before I go, have you met Sarah? She loves hiking just like you do! I think you two would have a lot to talk about.”
- “I’d better get going. Nice talking to you, take care!”
On Phone
- “I’ve really enjoyed this chat, but I have an appointment in ten minutes. Can we continue this sometime later?”
- “It’s been so great talking to you. Thanks for calling. Have a great rest of your day!”
- “I’m in a work crunch, but it’s so good to hear from you. Let’s talk more this weekend, okay?”
- “Well, I have taken enough of your time. I’ll let you get back to it now. Talk later!”
- “I don’t mean to rush off, but I’ve got another call coming in. Let’s pick this up over lunch?”
Over Text
- “Thanks for sharing that with me. I’ve got to go now, but we’ll pick this up later.”
- “It’s been great catching up with you. Got to take off now. Talk soon!”
- “Hey, I’ve got to run. Thanks for the chat. Talk to you later!”
- “Thanks for checking in. I’ll let you get back to your day now. Have a good one!”
- “Until next time, bye!”
How to End a Conversation in a Professional Setting
In professional settings like meetings, conferences, networking events, or job interviews, it’s important to be firm, respectful, and mindful of time constraints. Here are a few ways to politely end a conversation in work-related scenarios:
In the Office
- “Thanks for your input. I’ll revise the draft and send it back to you by five.”
- “It was a pleasure talking to you. Drop me a line in case there’s anything else you need.”
- “Thanks for your help. I know you’ve got a lot on your hands right now, so I’ll let you get back to it.”
- “I’d love to hear more, but I have a couple of tasks to get back to. Let’s catch up at lunch?”
- “Thanks so much for your time. I appreciate you having this conversation with me today.”
After a Meeting
- “Thank you all for joining. I’ll send out the deck and recording of our session in a bit. Have a great rest of the day!”
- “I think we’ve covered everything for today. Thanks again, and please reach out if you have any questions.”
- “Thank you for expanding on the next steps discussed. I’ll get started on them right away.”
- “Thanks for the chat! I have another meeting coming up, so I need to run, but we’ll talk soon.”
- “Great seeing you all. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions.”
On The Phone
- “Thanks for making time for this call. I’ll follow up by email if there’s anything else.”
- “Looks like we are all set. I’ll let you get back to it now. Take care!”
- “Thank you for taking the time to discuss this. I’ll keep an eye out for your email.”
- “I’ll keep you posted on our progress. Thanks again. Have a great day.”
- “Thank you for your time. Have a great rest of the day.”
At A Networking Event
- “It’s been great chatting with you. Here’s my card if you ever want to reach out.”
- “It was a pleasure meeting you, and I should mingle a bit more. Hope you enjoy the event.”
- “Thanks for sharing your experience. I’ve learned a lot from our discussion. Looking forward to staying in touch.”
- “This has been really informative. I look forward to following up. Thanks for your time.”
- “It was great meeting you. Before I go, who would you recommend I talk to here?”
After a Job Interview
- “Thank you for interviewing me for this role. I look forward to hearing from you soon.”
- “If you need more details, please feel free to reach out. Thanks again for the opportunity!”
- “Thank you for considering me for this position. Please let me know if you need any more information. Thanks again!”
- “I appreciate you taking the time to interview me for this position. I hope to hear from you soon.”
- “Thanks for the opportunity! I’ve enjoyed learning more about this role. If you need anything else from me, just let me know.”
How to End a Conversation With Someone You Don’t Like
“Being brief and to the point is a good way to disengage with someone who you really don’t want to engage with,” says Alison Tarlow, PsyD.
To soften the exit, consider including external factors in your conversation enders, like: “I have to make a call,” “return a text,” “check in on something,” etc. A clear but kind reason helps maintain boundaries while ensuring the other person doesn’t feel dismissed, says Rachelle Sylvain-Spence, LMSW-CPC.
For example, you might say:
- “Thanks for the chat! I should probably check in with the host. Please excuse me.”
- “I hate to cut this short, but I need to take care of something. Glad we had a chance to talk!”
- “I have to run, but it was nice talking to you!”
- “Hey, I need to step away for a bit, but it was great chatting. See you later!”
- “Thanks for the chat. I’ve got to take off now. Hope you have a great time!”
How to End a Conversation When You Are Upset
It’s important to communicate your needs as calmly as possible when ending a conversation with someone you’re upset with.
Also, be assertive without dismissing the other person’s perspective to avoid escalating the situation further. “Expressing your feelings using ‘I’ statements can be incredibly effective,” says Sandra Kushnir, LMFT.
For instance, instead of saying, “You always make me feel overwhelmed,” try, “I feel overwhelmed when the conversation gets heated. Can we take a break and revisit this later?”
“This approach reduces defensiveness and opens the door to a more constructive dialogue,” Kushnir explains.
Here are a few more examples:
- “I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with this right now. Can we continue this discussion another time?”
- “I appreciate the conversation, but I need some time to think things through. Let’s discuss this when we are both in a better headspace.”
- “I don’t think I can continue this conversation right now. Can we pick this up later?”
- “I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, but I need to step away for now. I’ll reach out when I’m ready.”
How to End a Conversation That’s Making You Uncomfortable
If a conversation is veering off in a direction that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can politely redirect its course by changing the topic or leaving it altogether. Like this:
- “I know we both enjoy listening to podcasts. How about we chat about that for a while?”
- “This is a fascinating debate, and I expect it will turn less friendly soon. So I’m going to change the subject now.”
- “You’re so passionate about religion, and I regret that I can’t meet your energy for the conversation. Thank you for sharing your perspective.”
- “I appreciate the discussion, but I need to step away from this topic. Let’s catch up another time.”
It’s also worth considering if an additional boundary needs to be addressed.
If it feels like there is more you need to say, Zavislak recommends using the “When you do X, I feel Y” construction and ditching the more polite protocol. For instance, you might say, “When you make disparaging comments about other races, I feel deeply uncomfortable. So I’m going to walk away.”
