Key Takeaways
- It’s normal for feelings in a relationship to change over time, and sometimes people lose romantic feelings.
- You can try to reignite feelings by spending quality time with your partner and recalling why you fell in love.
- If both partners want to work on the relationship, couples counseling can be helpful.
Relationships can be difficult at times, and it’s not uncommon for us to find ourselves losing romantic feelings and facing the decision of whether to remain with a partner or separate.
If you’re in this position right now and are unsure if you want to continue the relationship, it’s important to remember that relationships can go through many different phases and can change over time.
How Do I Know If I’m Losing Interest in My Relationship?
Below are red flags that may indicate your relationship might need to be re-evaluated:
Verywell / Theresa Chiechi
- You stop having conversations. If you used to share details of your day with your partner and ask their opinion of things but have stopped, it could be a sign of a lost connection.
- Your attitude has changed. If you feel like you’re treating others the same but your partner differently than usual, it may be a sign that your attitude toward them has changed.
- You make yourself less available. You feel like you’re withdrawing from your partner, or you’re not physically responsive to them.
- You ignore your partner. If you used to ask about their schedule or check in during workdays but feel like you have lost interest, it could be a sign that things have changed.
- You don’t argue anymore. Maybe you feel like it isn’t worth your time to argue. Or, you feel like you aren’t affected by the issues brought up.
While these are just a few red flags to watch out for within yourself, they don’t always mean your relationship is over. If you’re willing to put in the work to reignite that spark, there are a few things you can do.
Why Have I Lost Feelings for My Partner?
Several factors may cause someone to lose feelings in a relationship. These include:
- Poor communication can erode the connection people have
- Initial feelings of lust fade with time, which can make feelings of love seem less intense
- We change over time, which may mean that people can grow apart
- Shifting priorities can mean that each person has separate, sometimes incompatible goals
Getting close is easy but staying close requires that two people possess certain emotional capabilities. A discrepancy in emotional intelligence may cause a division.
—
ERIN LEONARD, PHD, PSYCHOTHERAPIST AND AUTHOR OF “LOVING WELL”
Every relationship is different, however. In reality, many different factors may play a role. Over time, poor communication and diminished intimacy can contribute to further conflicts and problems that worsen this loss of romantic feelings for your partner.
How Do You Restore Feelings in a Relationship?
If you are interested in trying to revive your relationship, there are ways to do so. The most important factor is that you and your partner want the same thing, whether it be relationship therapy or divorce.
If one of you isn’t interested in salvaging the marriage, it will not work out unless you have a very strong reason for staying together.
What to Do When You Lose Feelings In a Relationship
- Consider what has changed
- Remind yourself about your partner’s good qualities
- Take an interest in your partner
- Appreciate and respect one another
- Show empathy
- Open the lines of communication
- Go on dates
Take a Step Backward to Go Forward
Take some time to think about what that first phase of your relationship was like before you started losing feelings. Ask yourself what was different. Did you treat one another the way you do now?
Try to relive those moments, whether it’s by going out on a date, ordering the same meals you would’ve eaten back then, or doing some of the old things you both used to do for fun with one another. These things may seem minor, but they can be essential in triggering your mind to remember how you felt about someone and why you felt the way you once felt.
Remember the Things You Love About Your Partner
Take some time to reflect on the qualities you love and cherish about your partner. Pay attention to things they do that bring a smile, like their sense of humor or how spontaneous they are.
If those traits matter most, plan for more fun together by exploring new activities in an exciting way. If it’s not these qualities but rather friendship and affectionate gestures that make them great partners, then try connecting with them every day instead of letting other matters take priority.
Maintain and Support You and Your Partner’s Interests
In the early stages of a relationship, sometimes known as the honeymoon phase, both of you are still seeing yourself as separate, so you maintain the aspects of who you are that make you feel fulfilled. Often, it’s these same qualities that made you fall in love with your partner. Don’t forget what it felt like for them to be your person.
Build a Culture of Appreciation and Respect
We all have our flaws. Rather than focusing on your partners’ shortcomings, learn to accept them. And whenever you can express the things you cherish about your partner make sure to do so.
According to Kyle Benson, relationship expert, “the idea is to catch your partner doing something right and say, ‘thanks for doing that. I noticed you unloaded the dishwasher, and I appreciate it.'”
Strengthen Your Emotional Intelligence
Erin Leonard, PhD, says, “Getting close is easy but staying close requires that two people possess certain emotional capabilities. A discrepancy in emotional intelligence may cause a division.”
Healthy relationships require both partners to work hard and empathize with each other to be successful. If one partner is not willing, it may cause an issue that needs to be resolved quickly before the relationship deteriorates.
Talk to Them
Although it may appear obvious, many couples forget how to sit down and talk to each other. You don’t need to be upfront and let them know how you’re feeling right away, but small conversations can help you open the doors to those meaningful discussions later on.
When it happens, be upfront and let your partner know how you’re feeling. Together, you’ll be able to decide on how to move forward. With honesty and trust, communicating can give you the push you need to rekindle a relationship.
Date Your Partner Again
It’s easy to stop paying as much attention to your partner as you did initially, but if you want to rekindle the feelings you used to share, it could be as simple as paying more attention to the relationship.
If you’re married, remember that this doesn’t mean you have to stop dating one another. Treat them the way you used to when you were trying to win them over. Think about what you used to do for each other and recreate those experiences, like where you went on your first date, things you used to do together, etc.
Is It OK to Lose Feelings in a Relationship?
You might find yourself wondering if you can lose feelings for someone you love. You might wonder if you actually loved them in the first place.
It’s totally normal to have times when you feel more or less in love with your partner. At the same time, it’s painful to have stillnesses in a relationship that leave you feeling lost or doubting its future.
You may still “love” your partner, and you may still want it to work with them. But for some reason, it seems inaccessible.
The question then becomes should you stay in a relationship if you lose feelings? If you’re struggling in your relationship, at some point, you’ll need to decide whether you want to put the work in or you want something else.
Only you can decide which path is right for you. Start by considering the pros and cons of staying together and what the future might look like if you decide to end the relationship.
Couples Counseling
As long as both of you are ready to fight for your relationship, couples’ therapy can support you in making the changes and progress you need. An experienced therapist can help you recognize the areas that need improvement and help you learn different strategies to improve your relationship, such as active listening or communication skills.
However, keep in mind that therapy will only work if you’re willing to invest the necessary time and effort into it. Simply going to therapy and listening throughout the session won’t be enough. You’ll need to take the recommended steps your therapist suggests and look for places to make said changes.
Being transparent and honest will always be the most crucial step in strengthening the feelings and quality of your relationship. If you’re unwilling to put the work in, consider meeting with a counselor on your own. They can help you make a decision and help you process how you can move forward.
Keep in Mind
At some point, if you still don’t have romantic feelings, it’s important to start accepting this reality and moving on. Your partner deserves a relationship partner with whom they can share love. Nothing short of that will do because they are worthy of a life filled with joy and affection.
