Life has a funny way of convincing us there’s never enough. Not enough hours in the day, money in our bank accounts, decent singles in the dating pool. That persistent fixation on what you’re lacking is called a scarcity mindset—an unhealthy mentality that can make you pessimistic, competitive, and convinced you’re falling behind.
Most commonly, the scarcity mindset shows up around physical or financial resources—a perfect example being the toilet paper shortage during the pandemic. “People would hoard, because they weren’t sure if these limited rolls would return,” Stephanie Zepeda, PhD, LMFT, owner of Financial Therapy Texas in Houston, tells SELF. That rush to stockpile is a textbook case of the scarcity mentality: the belief that there isn’t enough to go around, which fuels panic-buying and impulsive decisions (even when the shortage itself is clearly temporary).
But this fear of “not enough” doesn’t just manifest with material things. It can seep into other parts of our lives, too. Maybe you worry there aren’t ample jobs to go around when a colleague lands a new, impressive position. Or it feels like your partner hanging with their friends more often leaves less time (and less affection) for you. Experts point out that this mindset often traces back to early life experiences—growing up with instability, for example, or feeling like you had to compete for attention. The problem, though, when you’re so preoccupied with what you lack, is that it becomes nearly impossible to notice (let alone appreciate) what you already have, Dr. Zepeda explains.
Below, we’ve rounded up the biggest signs a scarcity mindset is holding you back—plus, how to start seeing the glass as half full.
1. You see other people’s wins as threats.
Your friend just got into a relationship. But instead of feeling genuinely happy for them, your instinct may be to spiral about how that’s “one less potential partner for you.” Or your sibling just bought a house (and scored a great deal)—yet somehow, it feels like a loss for you.
Because in your mind, there aren’t enough resources—available homes, well-paying jobs, eligible singles—one person “winning” means you, by default, are losing. So, “a scarcity mindset really gets in the way of celebrating our loved ones,” Larissa House, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, tells SELF. “Because if we’re looking at everyone out there as a threat to our resources, we’re not opening ourselves up to connection.”
2. You see things as all good or all bad—no in-between.
One hallmark sign of a scarcity mindset is catastrophic, all-or-nothing thinking, House says. This can sound like, “If I don’t get this bonus, I’ll never succeed,” or “If I don’t see my friends this weekend, they’ll obviously forget about me.” Essentially, your brain interprets even minor setbacks or disappointments and blows them up into total losses, which can reinforce the sense that opportunities and resources are always running low.
3. You settle in relationships or jobs because you fear there’s nothing better.
Maybe you’ve stayed in your draining, uninspiring job for years, all because you’re convinced you can’t find another in this economy. Or, even though deep down you’re unhappy, you’ve lingered in a romantic relationship you’ve outgrown, simply because being alone sounds scarier than sticking with someone who’s “safe” and “familiar.” With a scarcity mindset, “you develop a really narrow, pessimistic lens,” Dr. Zepeda says. “And you start to feel hopeless, as if you can’t see the potential for change.”
4. You overthink every choice because there’s no room to make mistakes.
Even the most trivial decisions start to feel high-stakes. “There’s this sense that you have a finite amount of opportunities”, House says. “Meaning, if you don’t make the right move or you mess it up, you’ll miss out.”
