Key Takeaways
- Your mental and physical health are connected, so eating healthy foods and sleeping well can boost your well-being.
- Practice self-compassion by being kind to yourself and recognizing everyone makes mistakes.
- Avoid comparing yourself to others, as it can cause stress and anxiety.
While self-care proponents suggest taking bubble baths and getting massages, loving yourself goes much deeper than splurging once in a while on pleasures like these.
Self-love is having regard for your own well-being and contentment, according to the American Psychological Association. This can look different for everyone, so it’s important to base this on what makes you feel appreciated and respected. The Brain and Behavior Research Foundation says that self-love comes from actions that support physical, psychological, and spiritual growth.
Some critics think self-love is a modern concept and is merely self-indulgence. They view self-love as excessively focusing on oneself and as akin to narcissism. But self-love is not about having a grandiose sense of self or being puffed up with self-importance. It means taking care of your needs and recognizing that you have value.
While it might be considerate to practice self-love here and there, it’s important to make it a daily practice in which you check in with yourself and treat yourself the way you treat loved ones. Here’s how to incorporate self-love into your lifestyle.
Prioritize Your Well-Being and Mental Health
Your physical and mental health are directly correlated and how you feel physically can influence how you feel mentally and emotionally. When you begin loving and caring for your body, you’re directly and positively influencing your mental health, too. Eating and sleeping well are important in maintaining well-being and warding off illness. That means choosing healthy foods and getting adequate sleep every night.
Exercising regularly has a positive impact on your overall health as exercise decreases cortisol, the stress hormone, in your body.
Remember to give yourself time to take care of and value yourself. Try talking to a therapist via online therapy or turning to an app if you need some guidance.
Embrace Self-Compassion
When you acknowledge your mistakes and accept your imperfections with kindness and without judgment, you exhibit self-compassion. Dr. Kristin Neff’s widely accepted definition of self-compassion has three components:
- Self-kindness: Feeling kindness toward ourselves rather than judgment, criticism, or shame
- Common humanity: Recognizing we are part of a common humanity, as everyone makes mistakes, rather than viewing ourselves as isolated beings unworthy of love and belonging
- Mindfulness: Viewing mistakes mindfully by having a perspective and not over-identifying with our failings
In a pilot study on self-compassion, scientists empirically tested the use of a writing intervention to determine if these three self-compassion components influenced each other. Findings showed that the components mutually enhance each other.
Avoid Self-Comparison
When we are jealous of our friend’s promotion or feel we are lacking because we gained 10 pounds while our neighbor is in great shape, it’s hard not to feel down. Social comparisons can cause stress. Comparison and competition may motivate you in ways that are helpful and not harmful. More often than not, they diminish us by causing stress, anxiety, guilt, and shame.
Set Boundaries to Protect Your Peace
Drawing the line helps with stress management. Sometimes you have to say ‘no’ at work or to your family to preserve your energy. One-sided relationships have unequal distribution of energy, control, and thoughtfulness. Recognize your needs and carve out time to be thoughtful about yourself by setting boundaries.
Forgive Yourself
Cultivate ways to stop self-loathing in any form. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes and find ways to heal. To incorporate self-love in your daily life, don’t ruminate over mistakes and regrets. Rather than blame yourself for things that were probably out of your control anyway, turn to self-forgiveness.
A recent study finds that greater forgiveness is linked to less stress and a decrease in mental health issues.
Surround Yourself With Supportive, Loving People
Having social support is vital. Reach out to family members, or if those relationships are strained or they’re not in the picture, invest in relationships with your friends and community. Allow yourself to receive care and support from them, too.
Let go of toxic, draining, and one-way friendships. The goal is to fortify yourself with healthy interactions and people who believe in you, champion you, and support you in becoming more of who you are and want to be, not less.
If you think you’re in love but aren’t sure, remember that healthy relationships involve intimacy and deep emotional connection. Invest your time, energy, and care into platonic and romantic relationships that support, energize, and restore you.
Choose a New Perspective
Positive thinking doesn’t mean you’re choosing to ignore your problems. It means choosing to have a positive outlook as an approach to life that includes gratitude and many possibilities. Maybe it’s time to seek support to process your anger and release resentment or grudges, for example.
Holding onto and fixating on anger and hatred towards others can be damaging to our mental and emotional well-being. It can be an act of self-love and care to address the root cause of the issue.
Say kind things to yourself. Positive affirmations can boost your self-esteem and reduce your social fears. Remind yourself that you’re a kind person doing your best. Changing your perspective and focusing on things that you are grateful for and appreciative of can be immensely uplifting and is another way to practice self-love.
What This Means for You
Your first relationship is with yourself, and it’s the foundation of relationships with others. Loving yourself enables you to live in alignment with your values and to make healthy choices in your everyday decisions. Confidence, self-respect, self-worth, and self-love are all interconnected. As we deepen our love for ourselves, we can deepen the love we share with others.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
APA Dictionary of Psychology. Self-love.
The Brain and Behavior Research Foundation. Self-love and what it means.
Rudolph DL, McAuley E. Cortisol and affective responses to exercise. J Sports Sci. 1998;16(2):121-128. doi:10.1080/026404198366830
Self-Compassion: Dr. Kristin Neff. Definition of self-compassion.
Dreisoerner A, Junker NM, van Dick R. The relationship among the components of self-compassion: a pilot study using a compassionate writing intervention to enhance self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. J Happiness Stud. 2021;22(1):21-47.
Toussaint LL, Shields GS, Slavich GM. Forgiveness, Stress, and Health: a 5-Week Dynamic Parallel Process Study. Ann Behav Med. 2016;50(5):727-735. doi:10.1007/s12160-016-9796-6
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