You’ve probably been asked if you’re an extrovert or an introvert. Maybe you even categorize yourself as one or the other.
While many people associate extroversion with outgoingness and introversion with shyness, there is more to the personality types than that. “It really depends on where we find our rest. If isolation or time to ourselves recharges us, that’s an indicator that you probably are more introverted,” said Heather Duncan, a licensed professional counselor with Thriveworks in Lynchburg, Virginia.
“If you are recharged by people and being around others, that might be a sign that you tend to be more extroverted,” Duncan added.
But therapists told HuffPost that very few people fall squarely in the extrovert category or squarely in the introvert category. Instead, most people find themselves somewhere on the introvert-extrovert spectrum, said Duncan, or as a combination of the two.
If you’re not quite extroverted but not quite introverted, you may be what is known as an “extroverted introvert.”
“I would describe an extroverted introvert as someone who is an outgoing introvert or social introvert,” said Duncan. “Some people refer to this as ambiversion, where there’s a blend of introversion and extroversion.”
“It’s someone basically who enjoys socializing, but also needs alone time to recharge. So they might seem outgoing in some settings, but ultimately, really need a balance of social engagement and alone time,” said Marcus Berley, a licensed mental health counselor and the clinical director of Self Space Therapy in Seattle.
Does this sound like you? Read on for the behaviors and habits that are common among extroverted introverts and how those in this category can best take care of themselves mentally and emotionally.
1. You welcome canceled plans.
While canceled plans can be a relief for anyone on certain days, like on a rainy evening, for example, for an extroverted introvert, canceled plans tend to always be a relief, said Berley, who said he is an extroverted introvert.
“I seem really outgoing, but can feel relieved when plans get canceled,” he explained. “Like, no problem, someone needs to cancel plans.”
“I was happy to go, but I’m really happy to stay at home and throw on my sweats, and hang out with my wife and my dog,” said Berley.
2. You like to socialize, but are selective in the kinds of events you’ll attend.
“You’re going to enjoy some amount of socializing, usually on your terms,” said Berley.
While pure extroverts will likely accept any social invitation they get, the same can’t be said about extroverted introverts who have “some specific type of social needs,” Berley noted.
Oftentimes, introverted extroverts agree to events when the size of the gathering is on the smaller side, or the event has a specific purpose, he added.
So if you like live music, you may be willing to go to a crowded music festival, but not willing to go to a crowded beer festival with friends.
3. You gravitate toward deep conversations.
Talking about big things like life lessons or someone’s deepest worries isn’t for everyone, but deep topics are the kind of conversations extroverted introverts typically gravitate toward.
“Extroverted introverts really tend to prefer deeper conversations over small talk,” said Berley.
For instance, an extroverted introvert may find themselves hunkering down with a few people at a party and talking about deeper-level topics as opposed to going through the whole room and talking to everyone, he explained.
“It would take less of an extroverted introvert’s energy to speak their mind and talk at a deeper level than make small talk,” Duncan said.
This doesn’t mean extroverted introverts can’t make small talk, though. “They may be really great at small talk, as they understand that small talk can lead to a deeper, more authentic conversation,” Duncan added.
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Extroverted introverts tend to need alone time to recharge their social battery after getting together with friends.
4. You need time to recharge after social engagements.
Extroverts are known for having seemingly never-ending social batteries, but an extroverted introvert needs time to recharge after social gatherings, according to Duncan.
“Typically, we look at extroverted introverts as people who enjoy meeting new people, but they have a lower tolerance for extensive socializing,” Duncan said, “and that really points to that energy level and what recharges them.”
You may be able to “show up pretty well in social settings, because you’re tuning into other people, but also just need that time to reset after,” added Berley.
An extroverted introvert won’t be someone who keeps the party going. Instead, they’ll head home when they need that solo time to recover, Berley said.
5. You have deep relationships — not a bunch of surface-level friends.
Extroverted introverts tend to have deep relationships with friends and family instead of a bunch of acquaintances, according to Duncan.
Extroverted introverts are likely selective about who those deep relationships are with, as not everyone is worth the social battery drain that it takes to get to know new people.
“An extroverted introvert may enjoy socializing but would rather be alone than participate in an unfulfilling interaction,” Duncan added.
6. And you’ve probably been mistaken for an extrovert a few times.
According to Berley, it’s common for extroverted introverts to be mistaken for pure extroverts. This is because extroverted introverts are lively in social situations, enjoy gatherings and can easily talk to others.
But others see a skewed view of this personality type, he noted.
“I don’t choose to show up in those social settings nearly as much as an extrovert would. And you don’t see me in the recovery time, because I’m by myself,” Berley added.
As an extroverted introvert, there are a few key things you can do to take care of your mental and emotional health.
Duncan said it’s important that you understand who you are and how you recharge, whether that’s with other people or during alone time.
“I think when we come to an authentic place where we radically accept ourselves, I think that is a space where we’re able to start to find that balance of what works best for us between those social interactions and our need for rest,” Duncan said, “because there has to be a balance. Typically, an extroverted introvert’s battery is finite, and so it’s only going to have so much to give.”
If you notice that you’re stressed or overwhelmed, it may be a sign that your balance is off and you need to recharge, she noted.
A feeling of overwhelm may also mean that you need to set boundaries in regard to your time. “It’s OK to say no to something even if your friends are excited about it, or to suggest something that would suit you better,” Berley said.
“Communicating your needs is something that is easy to bypass when you’re wanting to be really sociable and friendly, as a lot of extroverted introverts are, but you saying what you need is really valuable because other people can then adjust the plans, or at least you’re not withholding and then struggling out there because you’re throwing yourself in a situation that you’re not really ready for,” Berley added.
When making social plans, Berley recommends that you create buffer time between social events. So if you have plans on Thursday and Saturday, don’t agree to go to a dinner party on Friday. Instead, use that solo time to do something you enjoy, whether that’s going for a walk or puttering around your house, Berley noted.
“You can’t go [socialize all weekend] and then roll right into work. You’re going to need some of that buffer time,” he noted.
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If you aren’t sure if you fall into the extroverted introvert category, you can talk to a mental health professional who can help you learn more about yourself and fully understand what you need to feel your best.
