Key Takeaways
- Try to be open about your anxiety and use it to break the ice.
- Offering to help at an event can keep you busy and help you meet new people.
- Having a few conversation starters on hand is a great way to feel more confident and comfortable.
We’ve all been in this exact situation. You get invited to an event you’re excited about, the only problem is you have to go alone and you probably won’t know anyone there…oh, and you hate making small talk. Unsurprisingly, a recent survey found that a majority of Americans—a whopping 71%—prefer sitting in silence to small talk with others.
But in certain situations, like weddings, networking events, parties, and workplace functions, talking to people that you don’t know is hard to avoid. And for some people, that’s awkward.
“Going to an event where you don’t know anyone can be an overwhelming and uncomfortable experience. Many of us feel awkward when we are in a situation where we don’t know anyone, and we may also experience social anxiety, worrying about how we are being perceived or judged,” explains Saba Harouni Lurie, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and Owner and Founder of Take Root Therapy.
These feelings are normal, but we still have to figure out how to get past them to make connections with others and have a good time. And it’s easier than you think! Here are some expert-approved tips on navigating these situations, plus several conversation starters to help you break the ice.
Why It Feels Weird and What to do About It
We have conversations all the time with family and friends. And we’re all used to making casual interactions when we’re in a long checkout line or talking to a server at a restaurant. So why is talking to people you don’t know at an event so different?
“When confronted with a room full of strangers, you might experience a variety of physical sensations that can be deeply unsettling. These feelings are entirely normal and are your body’s natural response to fear in the face of a perceived threat. Many of these sensations can be linked to the fight, flight or freeze responses,” notes Lurie.
Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT
Going to an event where you don’t know anyone can be an overwhelming and uncomfortable experience. Many of us feel awkward…and we may also experience social anxiety, worrying about how we are being perceived or judged.
— Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT
“If a person is uncomfortable about starting a conversation, emotionally they may feel nervous, stressed, insecure, anxious, and afraid. This can manifest with physical signs like blushing, sweating, trembling, muscle tension, rapid heart rate, nausea, headaches, muscle tension, and difficulty speaking,” she adds.
While it may not be possible to completely remove the negative feelings you’re experiencing when it comes to small talk conversations, there are strategies you can use to make it easier for you.
Make Light of the Situation
You know you’re anxious. And you know you’re probably not alone. Why not use it as a way to break the ice? “Try to be open about your anxiety. When we release something negative inside of us, it loses some of its power,” says Sarah Sanders, Mental Health Ambassador, Milton Recovery Center. “Crack a joke about how awkward you actually are and you’ll be amazed at how many people will actually relate to you! You’ll hear sighs of relief from the crowd you didn’t expect.”
Help the Host
Offering to help at a party or networking event can do a few things. It keeps you busy, allows you to gently mingle with the other guests while you’re working, and may even score you brownie points for being so selfless.
Just Say Hi!
At the end of the day, no matter how nervous you might be, almost everyone is open to a new person joining the conversation.
If it’s just two people clearing in an intense heart to heart on a specific subject it’s better to let them continue on their own. But if it’s a group of 3 or 4 standing around, I promise you no one will think it’s weird if you walk up to them and introduce yourself. Try saying something like “Hi! I’m (your name), I don’t know a ton of people here, can I join you guys?” Odds are they will welcome you into the conversation with enthusiasm.
Set Realistic Goals
Don’t go in expecting to be the life of the party. But if it’s a networking event, maybe decide you’ll connect with at least two people while you’re there. If it’s a birthday celebration, maybe you can set a goal of sharing at least one fun story about the guest of honor. Perhaps your goal is to spend an hour at the event and interact during that time.
Have Some Conversation Starters in Mind
Part of your trepidation about the event can be not knowing how to start a conversation. Think of a few topics that interest you, or that you are knowledgeable about. Consider ways you can casually start conversations or integrate these ideas into a discussion. If you’re stuck, read on for several ideas that can help.
Getting the Conversation Started
When you walk in a room and don’t know anyone in the crowd, here are 50 ways that you can kick start the conversation.
Casual Conversation Starters
1. Are you having fun?
2. Are you listening to any good podcasts that you can recommend?
3. Do you play or watch any sports?
4. Have you seen any good movies lately?
5. Have you traveled recently? What’s your favorite place you visited?
6. Hi I’m (your name). What’s your name?
7. How did you find out about this event? (works well if a networking event)
8. How do you know (bride, groom, guest of honor)?
9. How was your week?
10. I’m looking for something new to read. What books do you recommend?
11. What are the best local restaurants in this area?
12. What brings you here?
13. What’s your favorite kind of food?
14. Where are you from?
Conversation Starters for Meaningful Conversations
1. Anything new on the horizon for you?
2. Can you name five things on your bucket list?
3. Have you ever thought of an invention that could make your life easier? What was it?
4. How did you get started in your career?
5. How do you de-stress?
6. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you want to go and why?
7. Is there a habit you want to change or work on?
8. Tell me more about yourself.
9. What does an average day look like for you?
10. What is something you’re looking forward to these days?
11. What is the best thing you’ve learned recently? How did it impact you?
12. What kinds of things do you like to do when you’re not at work?
13. What is the perfect gift that someone could give to you?
14. What would you want to pursue if you had the time?
15. What’s one goal you’re working towards?
16. When are you the happiest?
17. Where do you see yourself in five years?
18. Which of your accomplishments are you proudest of?
Fun Conversation Starters
1. Are you a cat or a dog person?
2. Comment on the music playing, i.e. “This music takes me back” or “I love 90’s music.”
3. Do you have any pets? Tell me about them!
4. Do you think you would like to be famous?
5. How do you feel about attending events like this?
6. If you could be any superhero, who would you be?
7. If you could create your own superpower, what would it be?
8. If you had a million dollars, what would you buy?
9. Is this as awkward for you as it is for me?
10. Tell me your biggest pet peeve.
11. Tell us your funniest story.
12. Do you play a musical instrument?
13. What song do you wish they’d play next?
14. What’s your favorite dessert? (you could also start by saying, “Am I the only chocolate lover here?”)
15. Where did you get your earrings/belt/outfit/purse?
16. Which do you hate more – being really hot or being really cold?
17. Which holiday do you like the most?
18. Who is your favorite celebrity and why?
Having a few surefire conversation starters can help put you more at ease. The goal in these types of situations is to help you relax, work through any awkwardness, and have a positive and memorable experience.
“Initiating a conversation with someone you don’t know can be overwhelming and vulnerable, and it also has the potential to help you get to know someone and build a new relationship. While it may be hard, it can be worthwhile and it can be more fruitful if you let yourself be open and share more of yourself,” Lurie concludes.
