As a Brit who recently moved to Australia, I’ve been concerned about whether I can maintain successful long-distance friendships—particularly given my closest friend still lives in the UK. After all, research has shown that if you go two months without an in-person catch up with a friend, you’ll have a 30% drop in closeness. After five months, that number increases to 80%.
I can attest to these stats in part. Some friends who I thought would be “ride or dies,” haven’t dropped me a message in months (or admittedly, I them). A couple I thought would always be there were nowhere to be seen when I last visited home. A newer friend in Australia was confident our time apart during this same period wouldn’t rock us—as was I—but things didn’t pan out that way.
“Long-distance friendship can be hard because proximity is one of the things that creates connection,” psychologist Marisa G. Franco, PhD, author of Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends, tells SELF. “There can be lots of obstacles,” she continues, noting that a lack of active effort and not being open to connecting digitally can contribute to figurative and literal distance.
Maintaining closeness and connection with a friend who lives on the other side of the world is challenging—but also still very much possible. Case in point: my closest friend, Humeara, who still lives in London while I am here in Melbourne.
Humeara and I have been friends for around four years, but we only became very close (i.e. “best friend” tier) in the past 18 months. We love to go to work events together (she’s a journalist too), head out for walks with her dog, and laze on the sofa watching Married At First Sight (the Australian version, always) when we’re both in London. We feel comfortable being in silence together, and as we’re both extroverted introverts, are happy to use our mutually agreed code word—“non-verbal time?”–should we need. She is kind, brave, hilariously funny, has solid morals, and accepts me for who I am (anxiety spirals and all).
It goes without saying, then, that being apart is difficult—for both of us. We agree that not being able to pop over to see each other or pick up the phone due to the hefty time difference is one of the biggest challenges. It’s especially hard when your person isn’t there during the hard times. But mostly, it’s the little things we both miss, like grabbing a coffee and having a moan about things.
